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I went to get my ID today. It seems like a very small thing right? This day has been causing me so much stress for months. I know I needed it but it’s just so scary. Going up to the courthouse and talking to people. Being around strangers for so long. Getting a picture taken. And no more excuses not to get a job. While I was there, I saw so many people. Confident, smart, independent people. Doing things on their own. No worry on their faces. So sure of what they’re going to do with their life. I sat there with my boyfriend and my parents. I’m old enough to do this stuff alone but I begged for them to come for moral support. I can see that it’s such a small thing. I shouldn’t need people to be there, to talk for me. These types of feelings are the reason I couldn’t finish school. I had no support there. I’m never going to live my life confidently. Independently. I feel like I’m weighing my boyfriend down with me. He wants to go to college. A good college. But he also wants us to live together. I still live with my parents. I have no job. He has a great job and is saving up amazingly. But once he starts college, he will not be able to support the both of us. He won’t be able to keep a full time job. It’s not fair to ask him to either. I want to get a job. But for me, it seems so out of reach. How can I dig myself out of this. I am a slave to my mental health. It’s so depressing. It’s so scary. I’m so very stuck. I see no way out.
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It’s okay you know. It’s okay to want support when you feel like you need it. I think it’s really good that you care so much about the people around you and that they care about you just as much.
As for getting a job why not look for ones that require minimum interactions with other people. Maybe you can do online work where you get instructions via email and you do your end of the work, no interactions whatsoever. You can generally find good online freelance work.
See it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to people. You just have to put in a little effort into finding ways not to talk to them. Don’t feel so trapped!
I hope this helps. :)
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