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Hi,
I'm back from a 3-week trip, a trip inspired by the very thing that I have been trying to avoid, the thoughts of you. I needed to let go, I didn't know how. I found something that allows me to physically, emotionally, and mentally let go of you... or so I thought it would. I met with a ballet instructor across the continent just to relieve myself of the burden you have left me with-- all the memories, all the forevers, all the reminders scattered in every part of my walks and sleepless nights. I found her through a tv show that you fell asleep to, the one that I wanted you to finish watching with me. Each state I visited in the past 3 weeks, I've re-connected with friends that I lost touch with because of life and our everyday each filled with worries.
I worked out a dance that would help me relieve my emotions of you, my thoughts of you, and it did... for a moment. I felt good to be supported by others who value expression more than money. Expression more than status. Expression more than the name brand company you got hired onto but failed to tell me about because you're that insecure and scared. I'm realizing that I'm calling you a lot of names and putting you in a box. But hey, it's the story that I'm telling myself and the one that I understand because you've left me. You've left me with "please move on, and don't bother reaching out to me on my birthday". Who. Does that? How can you request that to me... if you really cared and if you're really the decent and warm human being that you are that I fell in love with, then you can't, you just cannot ask that of me or even be so cruel to leave me with "we can talk about it later" as if what we had was nothing.
Or wait, was it nothing? Was I just a placeholder then?
You packed your bags not on that night you left, but weeks prior. You made me help you pack your belongings so that you can move back home. You made me help you make the decision to leave. To leave...
You are so cruel.
You are evil.
You do not deserve happiness.
You are so evil.. I know you're not. But you really, really hurt me.
I am still hurting, it's been 6 months. I am still hurting.
The past 3 weeks have been the most happy and free I've felt. It is because I was in a completely different environment and I was there purely to heal, to free myself from thinking and putting myself in the box of throwing aways. You threw me away.
You didn't take any responsiblity. You took my virginity, you took my love, you took it all away and left. You left.
You got on Tinder the very next month. Who. Does that. We've gone through so much together.. I've known you since 2014. I had to hear from my co-worker that they saw you on Tinder. I didn't even know you were back. I didn't even know...
I am hurt. I continue to hurt because I still love you. I wish I can say I am better, but I am not. How can you... how can you...
I got your mom and grandma's christmas cards in late january, I felt like I got fired again and again. Again and again. Your mom defriended me. You blocked me.
do you know how much that hurts? Imagine me doing that to you when you're still very much in love with you. You dumped everything onto me... do you know how hard it is to live each day living that proof that there is someone like you?
I loved you because you were you, but I was so wrong about you. How can you treat someone like that, someone who genuinely was there for you?
How can you tell me to not reach out to you on your birthday? Your words stab me every night, I try to forget but my eyes.. my eyes can't un-see the texts you've sent me.
You send me a christmas greeting on a chase bank money sender? Wait what?
What was I to you?? Oh wait, nothing...
I needed to tell you how you need to stop treating people like this. Making them feel like they did something so wrong when you're the one that pushed them away with your words and abandonments. You... I know you'll succeed because you know how to manipulate people. You know how to cheat the system. I saw you do it. I'm experiencing the downfall of it. I hope your next victim realizes who you are before I did.
I want to keep good memories with you, but it's hard to when I look back to how much I had to work to be on the path of healing. I kept those that had compassionate hearts and open hearts closer to me. That's how I was able to move on.
I guess move on in this sense would be that I know I can only get closure within myself because you're just not even considerate. You reach back out asking if I was in SF... after alllll that. You ask if I was in SF. Why did you even ask me that? You were worried about me from my posts? Wait what do you mean? I posted how happy I was...
What do you mean you're worried?
How can you treat me like that after all we've been through?
How can you talk to me like that?
Why do you always DM me on Twitter?
Am I just a rando on Twitter now? We didn't even DM on Twitter before.
What is wrong with you?
I wish I can have an adult conversation with you and work this out, I really do.
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He sounds like an asshole. Move on
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