Shitty life I never asked

I'm tired of the lies, emotional, physical, psychological, verbal abuse I get and have gotten from others, when I didn't do anything in the first place. Tired of people crossing boundaries, disrespecting and violating my privacy,when I always minded my own business. I'm exhausted of feeling like shit about myself, being emotionally unstable and hurt, all because of other people.There is only so much that I could take from others,to constantly be apologetic,despite nobody being sorry for anything they do to me and be sincere about. I had enough and I'll make it very known.

Many people have taken advantage of my kindness, patience, generosity and I never expected anything in return. So, many times have i given people chances and gave the benefit of the doubt. I always gave to others, did things for others without a second thought, and still expected nothing. Just some gratitude was good enough for me and even that was difficult for people. I never asked anyone for anything, if I did, it was very rare that I ask for help or a favor. If people don't respect me in the first place,i'm not going to respect them back. It's as simple as that. I'm always painted as the bad person for when i do wrong,blamed for everything and everyone else plays the victim. When i do apologize for any wrong doing, it ends up being taken for granted and not taken seriously. People never stopped with their assumptions, false accusations, mistreatment and being fake towards me. I always kept it real and others can't be. I was there for those who reached out to me and needed to some emotional support. When I finally

opened up, needed support and reached out, I got rejected at times. Some people exchanged some supportive words, but overall I was still alone because I felt like a burden to others. I gave up on myself, on trusting others and everything in life. I became apathetic about my own life. Most of my life I've been let down and kicked down by others, I haven't managed to crawl out of it and heal.I am filled with fear, doubt and pessimism. I have major trust issues and paranoid. There's so much that is pretty screwed up and wouldn't know where to start. I just think it's hypocritical for others to judge, criticize, mistreat and deliberately make me feel like shit.for things that I do wrong, but they're no better and then expect something good to come out if it. Surely, I should help myself and I tried on my own without any success. The fact that I have to rely on others for help, isn't something that's easy for me and I still struggle with that. I've been betrayed and had things used against me to do collateral damage.

It's crucial that people harshly judge my personality without knowing everything about me and what I've been through. Everytime, I defend myself I get shut down and told I'm always wrong. My voice never gets heard and I'm always misunderstood. I'm not perfect. I have both good and bad, but don't fuck with my bad side. I think it puts it straight. I'll admit,I have become toxic but not entirely on my own and out of thin air.Tired of this life and the bullshit I have to deal with and be surrounded by.