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I haven't lived for long, but I have noticed a pattern. It starts with a period of time where I have a lot to do. Times that I don't have to think, but not in a bad way. It keeps my brain from thinking too deeply. Then, this period ends, usually come summertime. I must say, I hate summer. It's hot, bugs are everywhere, it's lonely. Then comes the period of contemplation, which normally brings unpleasant thoughts to the forefront. It makes me feel quite empty. My chest feels like it has a hole in it. I cry for no reason, just staring blankly at a wall at 5 in the morning with tears going down my face as I sit on the floor. This period is what takes up most of my time, and the period of activity is rather rare. It lasts for maybe a month, once a year, normally in the winter. Something about the snow and the Christmas lights and music just gives me immense joy. But when that season is over, I go back to feeling like a robot. Is this just me being a teenager or something? These times of inactivity kind of scare me, it makes me just want to stop. Stop what? I'm not sure. I just want to sleep for the rest of my life but I can't get to sleep for more than 5 hours on a hot night. I just don't know what to do. Call it the summertime blues, if you will.
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You're not alone I have similar situation where I never sleep I keep you in prayer and hope god gets us through all this
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