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Dear M.R ,
It was like a Romeo and Juliet story. Not much context, not much of a development story but something quick and full of infatuation. At least, it was at first. You met me at a broken time in my life, where I was still learning to deal with myself and I was still trying to be okay with the person I am, yet you still wanted me. In more ways than one, in more ways than anyone had in a while. You made me feel special and important and wanted. You didn't and you will never know what that meant to me. What it meant to have someone put me first, to have someone take a look at me and decide I deserved to be cherished and cared for. For once to be there for me, to take my opinion into consideration, to see me in pain and help me get out of it. To make me beyond happy with a simple "good morning, beautiful" text, if only you could have seen the smile I would have to wake up to that. Or the warmth that erupted in my heart when I got to see you. You'll never know how badly I needed someone like you to come into my life, then you did. Only problem was that I needed that person to be me, because all the care and love and devotion I gave to you, I should have gave to myself. For too long in my life, I've dealt with things on my own, I should have dealt with that on my own. I'm sorry I did that to you. I'm sorry I did that to you, I'm sorry you were with me when I was going through a terrible time in my life and I'm sorry I wasn't the best me I could be for you. Even now, almost a year later, knowing this will never happen again, and knowing its for the best, I still look back and allow myself to feel it all again. From the overwhelming feeling of joy when I was in your arms, knowing you wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with you. To the night I would stay up praying to God that you'd always be safe and thanking him for putting you in my life, then falling asleep with a smile on my face. Eventually, leading to the never ending nights where I would cry in silence as my heart ached and I wished for any other pain than this. Where I would stay up for nights at a time, overthinking and wondering where I went wrong, why I wasn't enough? Why wasn't I enough? No. I am, it was just bad timing and that's no one fault. I will always care and hold a soft spot for you in my heart, but that doesn't mean I'll have less love for myself. It just means I know I can give myself what I give you, and that's what I deserve.
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