A memory I would like to forget

Its so hard to choose just one I do a lot of embarrassing things and stuff I regret to this day that I did in middle school. I would like to forget a day that I still think about and I feel like the dynamic in my family really shifted that night.

I woke up to screaming, it was night and a warm one. It was very hot so for once I was appreciating that my window is broken with a huge hole in the glass even if it usually scares me that I'm exposed while asleep. Some one was yelling to call 911 and it was very jarring. I was up in an instant and for some reason ran outside alone in my night clothes.

It was my neighbor, we live in an alley way that ends in a cul de sac so I have three houses on the side of mine and our lot is the biggest so we take up one whole side of the alley. So this guy lives on the corner and is running down the alley screaming like he has been stabbed. I guess everyone I live with heard and only ran out because I did and turns out he is just accusing our other neighbor of trying to break into his yard.

For some context we have lived next to the accused since before I was born and I'm the sixth child of my family. Also these two men have been feuding about every little thing since the guy on the corner moved in. So we sit and watch the argument as we are all startled and make sure it doesn't get physical til the cops arrived.

Thats not what I want to forget though.

That night, when my sister ran threw the kitchen from where she slept she was so startled and still drowsy from sleep she didn't notice our kitten sleeping on the kitchen floor.

I saw him, crushed, his one blue eye out of his skull I couldn't even see his green one, he was so small and the runt of his littler. I used to bottle feed him when he still lived in a cardboard box and was too weak to eat with his siblings. His brain matter was like concrete after it dried and we couldn't get it off the floor. My other sister cleaned it so good that there is a big spot on the floor where it is a brighter color. I still look at it and don't like to be in there very long.

This happened years ago so long I can't even remember what he looked like anymore. just blood, his eye, and the bag my sister put him in. We aren't allowed to bury pets where I live so we had to call someone to take him.

I just always get upset and freak out when I haven't seen one of our current pets in a while. Everyone else thinks I'm overreacting but I get so scared that they aren't safe or something fell and crushed them and we won't find them till they start to rot. I can think of so many possibilities and I just can't stop my search til I find them and I even cry while looking, really hard actually and I'm already an adult.

I feel bad because I always think that if that one guy hadn't acted like an idiot my sister wouldn't have thought he boyfriend who lives with us was getting into a fight (again... but HE is another story) she would have been more mindful of her footing as it is know to all of us the babies liked to sleep on the tile because it was hot and the tile was cold.

I wish it never happened and I can't imagine how she felt. She had to look for support in other people online who shared similar experiences just to cope with what happened. My little sister hasn't been the same since her nervous behavior from that night hit an all time high and as only gotten worse. So much so she never goes out anymore and if she does she gets so nervous she gets sick.

I still cry I wish he hadn't had the bad luck to be born in our house. It wasn't his fault he was born and his siblings sat around him the whole time before we found him. It was heartbreaking to see. I wish I could change things but I can't.

So I just want to forget.