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I have this little voice in the back of my head that tells me I’m not good enough, that I’m ugly im pathetic. No matter what anyone says the voice is always there, some days I can drown it out some days I try not to think so it can’t seep In and ruin my day. I wish the voice never existed it’s not like it’s my voice, it’s not my insecurities, it’s just this voice that has been there since I was 13 and it hasn’t gone away since. Most days it takes control and I have no motivation to do anything not even to get up and walk around, when the voice takes control I feel lost, depressed, like I’m a bother to the world and all the people who love me. I wish the voice could go away but I know it can’t. Sometimes if I’m lucky it’ll go away for a whole week but other times it just stays for what feels like weeks. Rarely now it tells me I’m worthless and better off dead even though I know it’s not true, I haven’t self harmed in over 2 years I got a tattoo for my grandfather that died when I was 13 over the area that I used to cut, he’s been my motivation not to cut. I don’t know if I sound crazy or not but it’s the best way I can explain it.
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I don't think you sound crazy. It seems like you have some nasty depression. I would personally recommend speaking with a psychologist about this, they could probably help you figure out what is going on.
It's great that you've stopped cutting! That means the voice hasn't won.
Lots of love
-AN
ReplyThank you, I’ve tried but every time I go to look for one I stop and think there’s something wrong with me and I don’t actually get one.
ReplyTheres nothing wrong with you for looking for a therapist. I have extreme anxiety and depression and I never really wanted a therapist because to me it originally felt like I was admitting defeat. Now that I have been going to see my therapist for over a year, I have to say that it really can be a lifesaver.
You can just go once to see a psychologist, just to see if you like it. It would be a little trial to see if you like it. I think it would help you. But if you don't want to go then you can write this all off and just do what you feel comfortable with.
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