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I wonder why I can't be like my friends. I know that no one can really be the same but I'm just too different. I try to believe I'm not, I'm not... but I am. I'm fat. I'm fat and depressed and I hate every inch of my body. I try ridiculous diets when I'm only a child. I'm lonely and I hate everything I see in the mirror. It wants me to smash the thing into pieces. I wish I could change and I'm trying. Honestly, I am. I limit the amount I'm eating, I'm trying to change the way I think. I feel lonely because all my parents think about is grades, Grades, GRADES. OK, I got a D in my report (our school uses A, as in the best, then I, D, B). But I always get 1 for effort grade. I tried my best and isn't that what matters? I get A's in French or music but they never look at that. It's like it's not even there. They think when I express my feelings I put on a show saying I only want attention. I'm scared to go home because of what will happen. Worst of all I always get compared to my perfect sister. She has a lot of patience when I'm all short tempered and sassy. She's careful in not hurting people but I'm just there talking care free. I may be sassy, bubbly and energetic but in the inside its all depression, counting calories, thinking what would happen if i ate this. I look at the piece of string that has the measurements of how big my tummy is and my thigh. I look at the mirror with horrible fat me looking back, and then sweaty me after I exercised like crazy scared I might gain weight. I think how much happier and confident I would get once I'm thinner and prettier. There's a quote I really like. It says 'Just because you're laughing, doesn't mean you're happy and just because you're not crying doesn't mean you're not sad.' It's true, isn't it? I don't trust anyone. My parents could just leave me any second since my mom already told me she regrets me being born. My friends, they don't even see the real me. The real me is suffering, hesitant, stuck and trapped in a shell.
Please help. I feel... too lonely...
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I love you, you're so strong to express your feelings, even though it's on the internet, I hope it helped you a little bit. Be yourself, you have nothing to loseX
ReplyThank you...
ReplyMy heart is breaking for you, luv. I wish I could tell you to stop obsessing about your weight, but I know how it is. I've done it all my life. You're an invaluable person no matter how you see yourself in the mirror. We're so programmed in society that being thin or pretty is so important. In the eyes of God, it's all pride and he hates pride. Finding God has really helped me in knowing my value, but it has nothing to do with looks or grades. Our beauty (or lack of) in on the inside. I hope this helps. I don't know you, but I truly care. I know it's an extremely painful place to be in. I'll pray for you, I'm here for you, Luv.
ReplyWell, I can't say I understand you, because I've been in similar states of mind, but not the same because obviously we're 2 different people. Nonetheless however, I can tell you feel like a mess. I assume you feel like a wreck, but I'm here to say that it'll all be okay. If you think about it, you can never truly be happy if you're never sad. It'll be alright. ❤
ReplyNo matter what life throws to you, be strong and positive dear.
You're gaining weight, that's ok get some exercise or yoga
You're having bad grades, focus on studies more than you weight
Your parents aren't happy for you, try saying sorry that they weren't happy but one you will make them proud.
Even in the worst of situation have a place for little positivity. And also don't ever think of giving up anything. I meant ANYTHING .
ReplyHi!
I just wanted to tell you, don't you dare care about what your parents say. You are unique, you are smart, and your grades DO NOT define you in any way what so ever. I am telling you this first hand, that your grades do not matter. What matters is your effort. I have friends who don't even try and they get 100's and 90's, and I have friends who put SO much effort into their grades and still have 70's and 80's. It's not about what you get. It's about how hard you try. Talk to your parents. Tell them how much you're trying. Tell them that you're not your 'perfect' sister, and that when they tell you those things, the only thing that it does is make you feel like you don't matter. About your body. I have gone through the same exact thing. I grew up comparing myself to everyone in my school. My friends were all skinny, but they still complained that they were fat. I thought to myself: if they're fat, then what am I? I can tell you first hand, it's the worst thing that you can do. Stop thinking about yourself in negative ways, even if you don't feel like it, exchange those negative comments for positive ones, and I assure you, you'll start thinking about yourself in a much positive way. It might take time, but you'll get better. Don't try to change yourself into someone you're not. Don't stop eating. Instead try to eat as healthy as possible, replace junk food with healthy food. But please, don't stop eating. Talk to your friends, tell them how you feel. If they don't care, then I suggest you find new ones because any true friend would care. If you want I can leave you my social media so that we can talk, but remember, you're worth the entire universe and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're here for a reason, and you should enjoy life to the fullest. Eat a cake, have a milkshake. If you eat something that you want once it won't change a thing, but don't beat yourself up for it. remember that you are loved, even if you don't feel like it. <3
ReplyThank you sooooo much! I'm crying right now and I will take your advice and use it well. Those are the kindest words anyone has ever said to me. Thank you with all my heart.
ReplyIt's nothing! Anything I can do to help a friend :)
ReplyI am worried that something similar is happening to one of my best friends. I am really worried about her. She won't eat and her parents aren't helping at all!
ReplyYou are going to be ok. Being uncomfortable is a major part of figuring out who you really are as a person. The people that act like they are comfortable are far behind you. Know that!
Reply