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I’m sick of despising everything about myself. I wish I could go back in time to when It was a natural smile on my face constantly not feeling like I’m faking it all the time so that no one thinks anything has changed. I just want to be naturally happy like I was. Now I’m constantly stressed about my work load because I’m so slow and it takes me so much longer to process information, it’s so frustrating. I just wish I didn’t struggle with everything I do. And because I’m stressed about my work I keep missing meals but then overeating when I do eat which is making me even more stressed because I’m so fat. Everyone tells me I’m not and that I’ve got nothing to complain about but I absolutely hate what I look like. I have the worst figure I’ve ever seen and my face is huge and ugly. I know they’re just trying to be nice but there’s no point when I know what I actually look like. I just wish I had the confidence. I need to push myself to go to the gym and I really want to but because I’m working so much I’m too exhausted to actually go. And because I’m so exhausted I get ill all the time or dizzy. I know this sounds like just an excuse but I’ve tried lots of things to help and I just feel so stressed about it. I just wish I was like my friends, they’re always happy and funny and thin I just feel disgusting. And to add to it all I’m the most unorganised person I know which makes me even more stressed even though I’m doing it to myself. I sound like such an attention seeker because these are all things I cause and can stop myself and I know how yet I keep staying inside by myself because I don’t want anyone to judge me or feel sorry for me or notice that anything is wrong because they all know me as being happy and I really wish I was still that person. I just want to go back.
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ReplyI'm truly sorry for all the pain you're feeling. I'm here for you. Sending you a hug.
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