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People often assume that I'm aloof. That I don't get hurt. That I have "nothing to worry about". This couldn't be anymore farther than the truth. Some days, I lay in bed and sob, and sob, until I feel 100% okay. Some days, I can look myself in the mirror and point out the flaws in my appearance because of the stress. Sometimes it's that my face looks sickly pale with tiredness, or that my hair is falling out and thinning its self, making it look more messier than it usually does. Making it seem less full and strong, and more greasy and disgusting. People can talk crap to my face about me, and I'll stand there and listen, and make them feel good about themselves, and pretend that it doesn't hurt. But deep down inside, it stings, no matter who you are, it stings. I can't even stay in a relationship for four days because I'm still dealing with the baggage that I've had to deal with in my love life. I can't even kiss someone, because it feels weird and wrong for me to do so. I'm not looking for a fling, like the people around me. I'm simply looking for a person that'll stay there, and help me float up a bit from the mud. I'm not looking for someone to fix me, or for someone that'll #### me senseless (sorry, I don't feel comfortable swearing) until my brains burst out. I may look the part sometimes, since my confidence is only recently coming out, but I truly don't want either or, but it seems like that's what everyone my age wants. To get ####ed or to find someone that'll complete them. I don't like judging people but, I personally find it disgusting for myself. Anyone else can do it, but don't include me. Plus, people think I don't notice ####! Yes, I do notice when you eye goggle my behind. Yes, I do notice that you're following me around the school like my secret admirer. Yes, I most certainly notice you SNIFFING MY HAIR! Or even peering over my shoulder and reading my messages. Just, get away from me, you creepy four! You know, you guys can become a group, since the two pairs of you already know eachother. Just watching and following me all day, almost with no shame what-so-ever! Heck, one of you four took my ID and my flower-pin! What is up with that?! You don't think I notice when you get really close to my face when I'm questioning your behavior to you? Or when I'm drying my hands, and you suddenly just get close to my face? OR when I'm listening to you talk about science and how your eyes change color, and you get really close to my face that even my friend notices?! It's okay to have crushes, just don't flipping stalk me, please! You can check me out, talk to or about me to your friends (or creepy younger sister you sent out to follow me everywhere so then you'll have pictures of my buttocks on your phone, which is already very creepy for me), heck, you can even glare at me when I'm looking and when I'm not, look at me with puppy eyes! Just don't you dare question me or my observation skills when I confront you about it! Just don't! It makes you seem really moronic and make me question why I even came to you for answers as to why you were staring and following my every move! I'm so glad that this school year is over, I'm not sure how much more insanity I can take... That's actually another thing people tend to assume about me. They assume I don't have patience. It's not that I don't have patience, I just don't let people that call me their "friend" walk all over me and try and ruin my life. I've had that happen more than once, but not again. So yes, I'm not sorry for meeting up to your expectations or assumptions.
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