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My spouse recently started going to see a mental health professional and I am very proud of her for making that decision. For realizing that she needed professional help and actually following through.
However, I am at a loss now. I have been experiencing feelings of guilt? Anxiety?
She doesn't speak about what they discussed and I know she doesn't have to. But I am struggling with keeping that distance? The last couple (9?) months have been hard for me. I have been struggling with my own dark thoughts and there are days that I am convinced it will be my last one. It is honestly amazing that I haven't done something irreversible yet... She does press me to talk about what I am going through, except I don't share the really dark stuff. Her appointments are raising more dark feelings. I feel like a failure. Like I am not the strong person she needs. And for some reason I can't find the courage to talk to her about it.
I don't know if this made any sense. I feel a little better for venting but obviously this isn't a cure all type thing.
If you have any stories or words, please share.
I hope I am not alone in this.
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I can definitely see how that would be scary for you. I recently started going to a therapist and my spouse is iffy about it, I feel, but he won't really say much other than "Oh, you're going again?" which hurts a bit because I have a hard time talking about my bad thoughts even with my therapist. It makes me feel weak.
You sound incredibly supportive of your spouse's decision to seek professional help. (This is my first comment so sorry if this sounds cliche because I'm making sure to read the guidelines before I write nearly any sentence). However, this was incredibly brave for you to put out here. It's hard to talk about dark days, bad thoughts, whatever you want to call them when the entire world is weighing you down. Props.
ReplyIt's a very good thing you're supporting her and encouraged her to go. As you should when you love someone very much and care about them. Give yourself come credit that you're by her side and not giving up on her, or the both of you.
I don't think you need to be worried about her process of receiving the help that she needs. She will eventually get better and it will benefit the marriage too. Change your perspective by seeing it as a good and healthy alternative for the both of you. If you're unable to talk to her about your own struggles, maybe consider going to a therapy session yourself and see how it goes.
As for the distance, you'll both make time for each other because it's important to the both of you.
I have to say, I admire your wife's bravery to go seek out help. I do wish I was a little more strong willed and not always be so hesitant in going through with something.
I struggle with my own mental health and I have been feeling uncomfortably paralyzed to seek help myself because of my fears...
My boyfriend is like you, trying to deal with his own struggles and making sure that I am okay. He at times gets frustrated with me because of how I can be and it can make me feel misunderstood.
I feel like a failure and disappointment to him too, because I'm not pushing myself to go and seek help. Not proud of myself for being this way and feeling stuck.
It's not easy to open up to a stranger and let yourself be vulnerable to someone,even if they're meant to help you with your problems and mental health.
Overall, I still need to try and seek out help without holding myself back. The same as you should try to open up to your wife about what you're feeling. The outcome will probably be a beneficial one and you'll feel relieved afterwards.
I understand perfectly well how it can be difficult but it's no impossible. Anyways, thanks for sharing and I hope you can find some comfort in my words.
All the best
_-
ReplyGosh, I truly feel for you. I'm sorry for all the anxiety and guilt you're feeling, and if I understand, thoughts of ending it.
Are you opposed to seeing a professional too? It might really help you. I have to say that therapy didn't help me at all, but God did. I sincerely wish you all the best. With Love!
ReplySo about almost 3 years back my ex and i were online dating. I kept thinking he was the worst possible person. He showed me his picture before we broke up. He was a cute guy. If you trust her. Ask about it. Ask about her sessions it will help you :)
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