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hi, it's me again.
I wrote you a few weeks ago, just before school ended. I didn't know where things were going back then, but I think I do now. We rushed into it. We rushed into it so bad. One minute we were friends and the next we were something. It was my first relationship, you were the first person who I liked that I wanted to be in a relationship with. I saw you and I smiled. I couldn't see your flaws, I was completely blinded. I want to say I was in love, but thinking back, I don't really know. You said it first, and I think I said it back because you had, but I'm not sure if it was really love, what I felt, or if it was lust or the excitement of having a relationship. I started to realize a few months later that maybe you and I weren't really a match at all. People had told me we were really alike, but I guess that went as far as things we had in common. I guess I didn't really know you that well, we had just known each other for two months when everything began, and I feel like we should have gotten to know each other more before we actually became something. I just got a text from you, and I realize that before, I smiled at your name popping up, but now I just roll my eyes. 'imy' you text. Yeah, you miss me sooo much that you can't even spell the whole 'i miss you'. I don't feel the connection anymore. We had our first kiss together, sure, but I don't really want to kiss you anymore. You trail after me like you're my lost puppy, but I don't want you to be mine. You're childish and immature and sometimes I find myself not liking the way you say my name. You're rude. You shush me when I'm talking and you interrupt me when I'm speaking. You're possessive. Not in the 'don't hang out with him' type, but rather the 'I'll hug you when you're with someone to make sure they know you're mine' kind. You're too playful and your personality clashes with mine. I need someone to calm me down when I'm doing things or when I'm at a party, not someone who riles me up, or when trying to calm me down literally grabs my face or my arms and tells me to calm down. You might feel like it's cute, but it feels really bad. It feels wrong to talk with you. It feels like I'm doing it out of commitment and I'm not sure if I want to continue doing that. You're my friend, you will always be, but I don't really like you anymore. Your being is too dramatic. You exaggerate and you're much too sentimental. And it hurts me in my heart to have to do it, it pains me every time that I think about it because I don't want to, I really don't, but I don't know what to think about anymore. You're leaving in a few months, and everyone says that I should wait, but they don't know how it feels. To feel tied down and forced to something I don't want. 'why make him suffer when he's already going away' It's not just him that's suffering. it's also me. Do they even know what it feels to have to be with someone in a relationship you don't want to be in? There's no right time to do it. There's no right way. I don't know when, or how i'll do it, but I'm sure I will. Or maybe I won't. I don't know. I don't know how you will react. You reacted badly on your first breakup, and I'm not sure what you're capable of if I break it off. What I have to say, but don't have the guts to, is that while it might be ME for the most part, it's also YOU. Maybe having you in most of my classes wasn't really the best, and maybe we weren't really meant for something more than platonic love.
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