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Anxious about future with boyfriend - polyamorous relationship
5 years ago · 2 · Polyamory, +2 · Explicit
510
Hello,
I'm a young woman about to graduate from university in December and am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. My boyfriend is a little younger than me and will be moving hundreds of miles away to the west coast in late August to begin working towards a PhD at a new school.
During the time we've been together, my boyfriend and I have both expressed a desire to pursue other sexual relationships outside of our own, while keeping our relationship prioritized over any others. We've yet to really start pursuing those outside interests. I've decided that I would like to follow him to the city he's moving to after I graduate in December into my own, separate apartment and see how things go with our relationship from there.
Thinking about the poly-amorous side of this relationship has really started to bother me. I'm not sure how I will feel when he does meet another woman he'd like to interact with romantically and sexually. I might feel jealously or feel like I'm being replaced and I'm worried about that possibility. It's entirely possible that he may feel the same towards any partners I may have and we will just need to see how this plays out. Sure, these things trouble me every once in a while but we've had so many conversations about this that I feel rather trusting of him to prioritize our relationship over newer ones. At this point, we both at least trust each other enough to try the whole poly-amorous thing out.
The thing that really makes me anxious about the future -- the very far away future -- is the possibility of having children with this man while still being engaged in outside relationships. I'm more in the camp of polyamory being fun while I'm really young but not so much when I'm 30. He has expressed to me that he thinks he'd like to remain polyamorous during most of his life and that not having that in a serious relationship would be a deal breaker. The idea of pregnancy and what that could do to my body already gives me intense, sobbing anxiety even without the prospect of him having other sexual partners during that time.
I have general anxiety that I've been able to manage really well, but I can only imagine that even years from now that anxiety will be more difficult to manage while pregnant. Imagining myself being pregnant, in pain, and home alone while he's out on a date or having sex with another women tears me apart. Or him engaging with other women during the time right after I would have given birth and need him most. And there's the worry of how that pregnancy may affect my body, making it much less desirable to touch that younger women's slim and fit bodies he could be having... I digress.
In general, I'm not against the idea of being in a monogamous relationship. The issue I have there is that I think after a while, partners may naturally tend to be attracted to new experiences with different people. Engaging in these outside relationships consensually and safely rather than in secret is 100% preferable to me. I don't want to entirely cut off my partner's ability to pursue those relationships and I don't want my partner cutting me off from that either. But there is also a lot of opportunity for things to go very wrong in this situation and that's what I fear may happen to me.
I will bring up my more distant concerns with this with my boyfriend soon and see what he thinks regarding my anxieties around it. Ultimately, I'm still fine moving to the city he is moving to even if he ended up no longer being in the picture (great job opportunities for me there and its a beautiful place). This is just some general complicated relationship anxiety about the future that's been bothering me recently for no particular reason.
Thanks for listening.
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