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I understand that a lot of people cannot understand what being a highly sensitive person means. I see this in real time when my husband tries so hard to understand me. He has days where he says all the right things and I feel like he finely understands. Then he has days that remind me he just don't get it and he says something like "I am kidding, learn to take a joke". If he truly understood he would get why there are certain things I just cannot joke about. I'm just not able. Not capable of it.
I am not overly critical when it comes to my husband. He wants to understand and that means a lot. I am at a really good place with myself so when he doesn't understand, I can let it go.
I spent a lot of my life thinking "what in the actual hell is wrong with people". Imagine my surprise when I found out I was the one who was different.
Imagine not being able to understand the purpose of a lie.
I know what your thinking.... "I don't lie...that is terrible... blah blah". Bull. Everybody lies. Good people too. Like when you tell your friend they look good in a dress even when they don't. Or you lie to yourself. Little white lies at the very least..... My high school friends lied to one another and I was the truth teller regardless of the situation. And boy was it frowned upon. It is safe to say I don't have any of those friends left.
I could not understand why telling a lie didn't destroy them emotionally the way it would me. Over sensitive. Over empathetic. Story of my life.
I do research on sensitivity now. What causes it... Why we are all different when it comes to it.... It fascinates me. I have realized that a lot of those who recognize sensitivity as a "real thing" see it as a condition. That sure ain't a confidence builder! I am here to tell you from my own experience.... you cannot treat us all the same. And even if you want to name it a "condition", it doesn't mean it needs to be treated.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. The meds I was given made me numb externally but internally I was on fire. No, not literally. I was able to be what was socially acceptable. I could hang out whenever, where ever, with who ever. Externally, I looked normal. It was nice at first because I could see I was doing what everyone wanted.
I am an introvert and need time to myself. BUT that was seen as depression. I was highly sensitive and needed to stay away from stressful people and situations when my body told me too. BUT that was seen as social anxiety.
Being prescribed anti anxiety meds allowed me to ignore my own feelings and it allowed me to ignore when my body needed rest. This went on for too long and caused a near mental break down.
I am a researcher by nature and I continue to dig further in the science behind sensitivity. I have come across some amazing stuff. Finding those who are not sensitive but truly understand is an amazing find and rare.
There really isn't any big "in conclusion" moment in this post. I am just a HSP feeling really sensitive and needed to word vomit a little.
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I relate with you a lot. Im very sensitive and empatheitic to a point where it has caused me quite a lot of distress. Medication never helped me either, it just made me feel like I was trying to play 'normal', which ended up making me feel worse about my natural self. I would be very interested in hearing more about your research and the science behind sensitivity. Thank you for posting this. Its helped me feel less alone amoungst the stuggle of misunderstanding.
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