need a fresh perspective

at this point some parts of my life in a bigger picture feel like a self fulfilling prophecy to a point that I am only getting attracted to the people who would surely reject me, and this lens on my thoughts filtering such things and making me miserable, the perfect example in my life would be the crushes i get, how i confess and how i get rejected again and again, this time around i got rejected by a person i'd best describe as someone that mirrors most of my interests and tastes, someone who could read my mind often if not all the time atleast we do come to similar conclusions most of the time, this heartbreak bothered me to a deep extent, enough to have a hard look at myself and now in the bigger picture it seems so many things i my life are self fulfilling, be it me being a loser, me not being able to interact or attract any people, me being in my own head blaming myself for things that may or may not be there I'm tired of all this, i don't want victim mindset but it's all i was conditioned for, i don't want to lose people again and again, i dont want to be abandoned, i dont want to be left alone, thats how i percieve reality doesnt matter if all those things are true or not, more often not, i miss this person so much she wants the best for me so at my state it was better to get rejected she is happy to any changes i have managed to make since that time of rejection now it feels stupid my set of behaviours but i am still compelled to it, best of all the self fulfilling prophecies are making it difficult when even the marks she and i get are the same to the decimal point even though we're not in the same year, me being able to predict whatever she says, maybe cause i am an INFJ meh i dont like labels but that's the closest definition to why i can do the things i do, me laughing at her stories which i dont know she put because i see the story first and then see who put it up, she just is able to rile up so much in me just by being who she is and it's bothering me the fact i can't be in control of my emotions enough and now am writing this , i can't talk to anyone about this so here it was my ramble, thank you sweet sweet person who is reading this, you're very good at heart and make a big difference.

i miss hanging out with her ahhh.