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I think about her almost every day. I haven't even seen her face in months. She messaged me last week asking me to talk and all I replied with back was "who's this?" And now all I need is to talk to her. I'm not sure even we even like one another anymore. We used to love each other. I wanted to marry her. She lied to me alot and cheated on me enough. I still try to be friends with her but she always turns my feelings against me. When she promises me we will hangout then doesn't show up, when she swears she still loves me only because she was recently dumped, or how she expects me to support her suicidal thoughts or make some sort of pact with her. These are things I forget about in time but I should know better. I mean I have my issues with depression and bipolar disorder and she's just so open about that kind of stuff with me. Maybe that's why I still have feelings for her. Because I know I can tell her my thoughts and I won't judge her and she knows I won't judge her either. But that's not enough for love is it? How do I show someone that begs me to hangout then ditches all the time that it hurts without them calling me overdramatic. She says she does things like that because I accuse her of those things or I'm being to emotional but I only call her out in a simple way. It's not like I couldn't let these things go but how can I be expected to when these things that hurt me are blamed on me? Is this the only love I'll ever know? I want to move on but how do you stop yourself from dreaming of someone? I know she's not good for me but I want to be the best for her and I don't even think that's an option at this point. I want to love someone new but I'm not sure I have it in me anymoreaybe I turned her into what she has become maybe it is all my fault.
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Its not your fault. Blaming it on yourself will only make it worse for you. You care for her a great deal, and I don't think she understands just how much you do. If you tell her about how she hurts you, and she replies with how you said she would. You should look her straight in the eyes and tell her that it's all in her head. That your not the one being stupid, but she is.
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