Am I Wrong?

Hello. I would like to share my story. This is about my two big problems that have been followed me in every single steps I take. I don't know how to deal with it and it makes me really depressed like this is hurting me emotionally and I want to end it without end my life. Okay so the first problem is I am a kid who born in broken family. Since I was kid, my parents rarely communicate each other. My father is really busy with his works and I tend to be closer to my mom. When I was a kid, I thought it was just like a small problem but when I was told the story by my mom, It made me really really sad like I never felt that before. Even when I just sitting or alone in my room thinking about that made me cry. So the true story is my dad was cheated on my mom. That was because my mom was really busy to take care of her children (at that time I wasn't born yet) so my dad thought that he didn't get enough attention. Because of that, he tried to find another woman and they were get married without my mom knows. After my mom found out about that, She was really depressed but my dad was angry at her and said horrible words instead of tried to give explanation. I know my dad tried to fix the situation by giving

my mom things but that's not what she needs. Because of that, my dad got more angry, I don't know why I think he thought my mom was materialistist. What made it even worse is my dad's siblings was blaming my mom because they thought she should be grateful of what my dad give. My mom told them that she didn't need that and she didn't want to be called materialistist or gold digger. I really hate that because I think my mom was the victim here and my dad's siblings just made it even worse by blaming her. At the time she told me this, I hugged her and told her that this wasn't her fault.

My dad may sounds like a jerk but I don't hate him. I love him too. He is really kind even though sometimes he is annoying. I know he is kind. Even when my parents are decided to not communicate each other, my dad still give us money. because of him, I can make it to study at university. But it is really hurt my feeling when I love my mom and my dad but they don't love each other. Like why did this happen? And why should i was born in family like this. Okay there may be many family that worse than me buy why.

Now we go to the second problem. So... This is really painful to tell you all. But I will try to accept it as much as I can. Actually I was get raped when I was a child. I was get raped by my brother, son of my dad's sibling. I cause me traumatic until now. I was scared and don't know what to do and because there is a problem between my parents, I am afraid to tell them. I really hate my life. What makes me more sad is I read about Chester who committed suicide and according to internet he had born in broken family and ever got raped when he was a child too. So, I am sad if I have to go through that too. I don't want to commit suicide. My mom will be sad and get more depressed. I love her. But I don't know how to deal with this situation. It hurts me but It doesn't kill me. It just like I got trap in hell and don't know how to get out. I am even think why i should be born. Like maybe there is no difference if I was never born. So what' the point. Or maybe there is a point but I don't see it yet. I don't know i am confuse and don't know what to do. I am afraid to do something because I am afraid it will be worse.

Thank you for read my story. God bless us all