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im really glad i found this website, because i feel like a kettle with the lid on that been slowly boiling for years and years upon end but a kettle that does not alarm when it is boiling. i am incredibly lonely and every time i talk to another person, i can never relax-- i feel so on guard and on edge talking with people offline and online, that i just cant do it. i have only really made one friend in my entire life-- every other friend are friends by association so we don't really feel that close-- no deep emotional bond. i crave friendship, intimacy, the ability to be open to others, but most of all, i crave to know how it feels to be somebody i can love and believe in. i have no hope for myself. ive tried. im terrible, passive, anxious, unattractive, socially awkward, insecure, unambitious, cause pain for my family while they're every single thing i'm not (loving, caring, ambitious, fierce, assertive, strong). if i had been born someone else, maybe i'd be able to make it worth it for my parents. and maybe i'd feel like an actual human being.
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