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Dear Keiko,
God I miss you so much. I remember the very beginning. You were my first girl crush that I admitted to myself; my first crush at all that didn’t feel forced or restrained. When you found out I liked you, you ditched the girlfriend you actually liked to be with me. You were the light to my life, you literally saved me from myself back in January. And you sacrificed your everything to do it. You pretended to love me just so I wouldn’t leave this world. You shouldn’t have. It hurts so much missing you—- the way you used to hold onto me, how you used to tell me you loved me... it’s so hard to bring myself to realize it was all empty. You put everything on the line just for me. And when I thought you needed me, I backed out and broke up with you like a coward. And then I found out you didn’t love me. It would’ve been hard for me if you rejected me back in the beginning. But this was so much harder. I ruined you. I’m sorry. It’s never enough. I saw you walking home the other day; and i literally started crying, right there in the street. I heard a song that reminded me of you last night, and I couldn’t help myself anymore— I broke down. I was bawling my eyes out for hours. I don’t want you to know this; I don’t want you to feel guilty. It was never your fault. I just miss you so much. I can make myself immune to some of the things that remind me of you... but when I start thinking of all the little things you used to do for me; all the cute nicknames you gave me, the way you picked me up and held me when I fell that one time, the scent of your hair when it was freshly washed—— it kills me to think that those are all things I will never have again. I love you. I love you so much baby....
I let go of you.
But you’re always gonna have a special place in my heart.
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