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So here I am. Starting to feel down again because I know I'll be going back to work in a couple days. Not that I dislike my job, though it is stressful. But mostly because I feel like I need another couple weeks off. I was so burnt out and behind in every other aspect of my life. At the end of the day even that is not the real reason for my discontent. I wanted so badly to see him. To include him in my life. To have some time just enjoying each other. But it didn't work out that way. Either I was out of town or he was. Or he just wasn't interested.
If I'm honest with myself, the more I look objectively at things, he doesn't really care about me. And that's really it. Because if he did, he would try to see me. He would have asked to see me before this. He would call me and ask how my trip was. He'd ask to come sit by my firepit with me, and drink and be silly.
And here I am. I could have a happy life. I DO have a happy life aside from how I feel about my situation with him. And its making me so damn sad. And I don't want to be sad. I'm allowing him to steal the happiness from my life. I can't keep doing this. I have to let him go and not let him back in. I can't let him back in. If he chooses to be on the outside of my life, he can stay there.
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