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Maybe I’m over reacting. I just self published my book on KDP and it only has two sales, both being from family. Now a familiar wave of failure is settling in.
A year ago I made a tee spring store. I designed witty shirts with original artwork. I was so proud of it. I could imagine it then, seeing others wearing them, becoming a big thing. Still to this day only two people have bought shirts, my aunt and my mom. I told friends and family but my sales didn’t budge. I used tags and even downloaded Pinterest to promote it. That account with 42 followers didn’t have much influence. So now AML’s is in the void know as tee spring. I let it go, since I wasn’t the passionate about the project anyways.
It happened again in January. I’ve always had an interest in film making and since I was a kid have made short films. So as any wanna be director (and with permission of parents) I created a YouTube channel. MLG Brick Studios (then was Miss Likable Gladiator, my LL username) currently has 43 subscribers. What I expected was for me to at least gain a few thousand, though I hoped to reach in the hundred thousands before school ended. After all, my family and friends said I made great films. Looks like all the false hope got me to a small audience...but I’m grateful for them. There are these 10 users who like and comment on every vid and I also do the same on their videos (we are all friends on LEGO life). Though I have them, I still wish I had more subscribers. I try promoting it on LL but it’s hard to do so since it is a kids social media app with lots of moderators making sure we don’t reveal personal information. I did it, by typing “YT” or “yöutùbe”. I expected all 2,000 friends to rush over and sub but not all were allowed to have you tube accounts, some weren’t even old enough. I still make videos, I like them but would like them more on the treading page...
Why do I care so darn much?? Maybe it’s because I’m apart of a generation who seeks validation from strangers online. Though I hate when people say that! “Get off your phone! Talk to those in the real world!” Online is the real world, people have always be seeking for “likes” and “followers”. The only difference between then and now is that it’s easier for the world to notice you. Or harder, since everyone is on YouTube or Pinterest or whatever, it’s harder for you to standout.
I already don’t stand out irl, I thought online would be my escape. A place where the shy girl becomes famous. Guess the only happens in the movies...
Now we’re back here. A person—that I’m not exactly sure if we’re best friends or not—hasn’t said congrats(though she SSW my snap story). Speaking of which, some of my acquaintances who saw my story haven’t said anything to me. Maybe they just skip through my story, or maybe they did see and don’t want to congratulate me for some reason?
Maybe I’m reading too much into this...
Only two family members have ordered it, and I’m sure more will soon. The problem is what if my sales stop when my family stops ordering copies? Then what? They say that they’re so proud of me for publishing a book...but I’m not satisfied. I might as well just ask them for money and hand them a copy I print out myself. How do I promote it?? I followed the guidelines of how to tag the book, I told just about everyone, and I even made a book trailer on my YT. What now? Sit and wait?
While writing this I imagined that lots of people would see it and then figure out my book and I’d become a bestseller. Then my dreams would come true. But no one is gonna read this. I prayed every night leading to this launch that it’d be a hit and yet still only two units are sold. Glad I got that of my mind. Now am I overreacting? Maybe I’m bad at marketing? Maybe I’m bad at writing? Maybe people don’t read science fiction. Guess my career is over before it even started. Maybe I’ll look back, as a famous director and writer, and laugh about all this. Maybe I’ll look back as a mid age women in suburbia with a two story colonial and wonder how I turned out to be so average.
🤷🏾♀️I write as I went so any mistakes it because I didn’t check for any..
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You will be fine :)
You seem very young, yet very articulate. Just remember success is not an overnight thing. Also, many things such as art have a "long tail", that is, might not be bestsellers but still have a good following down the line.
ReplyIf you truly want success, you will try all avenues, even offline.
And don’t knock average. Average is a great place to be. I have tried so hard to have an average life. It’s not as easy as you think.
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