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Today I saw you.
I saw a broken mask with dull eyes.
I saw your empty laugh and your slick lies.
I saw the way you said ‘I’m fine’
But your expression said otherwise.
I saw your passionate flames slowly fade
I saw your fake joy falter throughout the day.
I saw the way you looked at the clock
Waiting for it to all end, waiting for the final tick tock
You dreamed of unfortunate events
Ones with knives, ropes and guns that were lent
You didn’t stutter or flinch
You merely creeped closer inch by inch
I watched you walk home
Steps so lifeless but your mind still roamed.
You thought of the magic
Drawing lines with silver but the outcome red
You thought perhaps it was tragic but your mind still continued to tread
You reached home with an abundance of thoughts
Wasn’t sure to draw a bath or tie a knot
So instead i watched you grab a silver knife
And memories of being in the same place flashback throughout your life
So you walked to the bathroom nothing on your mind
Not even all the things you were leaving behind
You reached the mirror and then I saw
Water welling and beginning to crawl
I saw your tear stained cheeks begin to flush
With every fibre in your body you tried not to get crush.
I saw you finally break and began to scream
You saw yourself and berated it with such powerful beams
You shouted ‘ I hate you’
But it wasn’t the start of something new
You shouted ‘you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re weak
No one wants to be friends with you because you’re a freak
You cried and shouted and the knife still laid in your hands
‘I don’t even understand how you can breathe let alone stand’
With one final look in the mirror you whispered
‘You will never amount to anything’ you whimpered
You Slowly bought your knife closer
With a final goodbye you mentioned softly ‘I hate you’ with full composure
Someone knocked and asked if you were ok
You quickly cleaned up your drawings on your arm and quipped backed ‘yeah coming your way’
You opened the door left the bathroom clean
You felt a thrill and was enjoying the scene
You walked to your room and glanced at your arms
Waiting for your “loved ones” to finally calm
You breathed deeply in the cool of the air
Strolled to your wall and punched it with a tear
Punch after punch tears strolled down
But your knuckles began to cave, their blood frown
You went to bed in the same clothes as yesterday
Waiting for it all to repeat again just like every other day.
A battle that you weren’t ready to win
A battle that I wasn’t ready to forgive.
So there I laid, cut arms and bloody knuckles
Finally finding it wasn’t worth the struggle
Inch by inch, cut by cut I’ve finally succumbed to my darkness
I no longer want to be apart of this world regardless
today I saw me
I saw me with no mask with blue eyes
I saw my laugh full and only one lie
I saw me content, no, full filled with my choice.
It was time for my actions to take place and have a voice.
Today I saw me.
For one last time
I put ink on pages along with this stupid rhyme
Today I saw me.
Willing to throw it away
But my mind changes and seems to stray.
I put down the knife, I untied the knot
I let my mind breathe and unclogged my thoughts
I cried and cried and thought when will it end
The suffering, the pain what did they all intend
I lay there a puddle of oozing despair
Then it was decided I would finally care.
Yesterday I saw me crushed and weak
Now my battles were defined by my scars and how I speak
Today i saw me
Today I saw you.
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You are a very talented writer.
ReplyAngel flying to close to the ground.
Replythis is beautiful, sad and dark
Reply