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im sad. i think? i feel so many different things right now. i dont know who to trust and i dont know who to reach out to. guys are confusing and mentally abusing. hey that rhymed. i dont even fucking know right now. i wanna give billie eilish a hug. i wanna do so many things but at the same time all i wanna do is sit in a dark room and cry about all my problems. you wanna know whats weird, i cut myself all over my legs and wore shorts today and my parents didnt notice shit. its not like i want attention, i wore shorts because i live in california and its hot as fuck, but they still dont notice anything. i feel stupid and ugly. i wish i lived in a room full of red lights, smoke, chill music, and people with the same problems but to afraid to talk about it. like we all just walk around knowing we are all struggling together but we dont say anything we all just give eachother a look and walk away. this is gonna sound really weird and i wouldnt be suprised if you laugh but my sister has a lizard and all it does is sit on a heating rock while a red heating lamp sits above it and i really wanna be that lizard. like that bitch looks so calm. okay i have nothing else to talk about so ima go listen to billie eilish and dream about being okay byeee<3
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I feel like you just peeked into my head a little bit. I feel so many different feelings all the time that it becomes so overwhelming that I just want to die and end it all. I feel things way way too heavily and it takes a toll on me. My family didn't notice that I stopped eating but they noticed I lost weight, but since I was over weight they saw it as a good thing. I stopped eating because I would have rather died. They never noticed the bruises all over my body from hitting and beating myself up all the time just so I could deal with the feelings and emotions I was having. I get this feeling that comes over me where I just need to sit huddled in a ball in a hidden corner of the room and when its real bad I feel like I need to do that in my closet in the dark where no one can find me. If I could just seclude myself to my house and never have to deal with another horrible human being I would cry it out and smoke all day, all of course while listening to the awesomeness that Billie Eilish is. My Emotions & Feels playlist would be on repeat. Being in Cali doesn't help either. As great as it is and as blessed as I am to live here, there are some of the worst people that live here. The rudest, inconsiderate, disrespectful, vein, and self-involved people reside in CA and for some reason people keep wanting to move here. I don't get it. Don't get me started on men. If they love me so much, and they know what they're doing is hurting me or making me upset, then why do it? Why hurt me over and over like i'm just going to let you forever?? This thing called life is too much for me sometimes. If I could be a lazy sleepy cat all day I would. Someone tell me where the genie is to make that wish. Anyway, I hope you feel better from whatever feelings you're having, if it's possible. Have a good night.
ReplyHey...do u mind, can u just think of anything that makes u happy?? I mean life will get so much easier when u realise where does ur happiness lie...it might be a jolly pop song or some celebrity or maybe a movie, food?? idk.
ReplyI like u because of the lizard's reference. Its kinda relatable coz honestly i dont wanna do anything but just sleep.
Reply