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coming out of a state of depression is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. It is the thing that i hate the most, but i know that once i get out of it, things will be okay again. it is like a process for me, but like all processes there is several steps before results are achieved. step 1: hitting the rock bottom of a destination called depression. it is not like a happy, relaxing vacation, but more like you got on the long bus to hell with a one way ticket. Rock bottom is scary, dark, deafening, overwhelming and full of our own worst inner demons (who are just waiting for their favorite snack, which happens to be any positive thought you have for the next couple weeks). It is scary because you are alone, and in a place that is hard to put into words. You can't give anyone directions to come and save you. Its dark because on the way down, You knocked out the light bulb. What a dumb ass, because that bulb held all your self-esteem and self-confidence, but all that will be gone until we can get the lazy handyman to fix it. Also, I hope you brought a pair of headphones because Rock bottom is LOUD. Those inner demons never shut up, and they say horrible nasty things all the time. Imagine moving in with the worst roommate ever, and then x10, and you might have 1/8 of what an inner demon is like. They never learned they manors, but who even invited them into our world in the first place. Anyway, Realizing that you are in rock bottom is like getting lost when you were younger, you just keep looking for anything or anyone that you recognize only to get even more lost. And just when you start to give up, you see the one thing that gives you the tiniest bit of hope that maybe you aren't as lost as you think you are. Step 2: becoming self aware, and turning into your own knight in shining armor (such a cheesy phrase). Once you realize that you have in fact been to this place called rock bottom before, you start to think of anything and everything that you can do to save yourself. You here that there is a hardware store at the end of rock bottom drive and you walk down there and pick up a new light bulb. With this light bulb you fill it with things such as compliments, hot selfies, your favorite feel good book, an awesome motivational quote, a bubble bath, facial care, and maybe some new lingerie to make yourself feel hot. Then you stand up on a rock and turn the light bulb into place and with the flick of a switch you have found your inner light again. While you were at the hardware store, you also picked up a pair of ear plugs, they drown the demons out for the most part. You can't hear them say "you're so fat" as you stuff your face with fro-yo and Mr. Pibb to make yourself feel better, so you just feel better. While you are chowing down on some short bread cookies, you realize that you are not so alone, it sounds like a voice is coming from way far above. Now that we have a little more strength, we can move onto the next step. Step 3: Growing. Since you have got a little confidence, and a little energy from the feel good food, you will start to grow, and it will feel like you are almost becoming a giant. You grow like a flower out of the ground, and finally you stand up and the sun is shining upon you again. The demons have yelled so much that they don't have a voice anymore, and the light is more comforting that the dark. All of the bad thoughts have died, and in their place there are new, beautiful thoughts blooming. You will realize that the sweet girl you call yours has been watching over you the whole time you were "gone" and has been pulling the weeds out your garden and making sure you get plenty of water. She loves seeing you bloom into bright colors like yellow and orange and red, she would rather see those colors any day compared to the black curtain you pulled between you and her. She will tell you that she missed you while you were gone but that she is so glad you are back. I hope that i can stay in this Garden for awhile. But every garden gets hit by rainstorms, and every flower loses most of its petals and gets pushed back to nothing. I hope there is more than a couple weeks between the storms this time, because right now, I am in full Bloom...(maybe)?
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