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I am the type of person that gets defensive in arguments. Most of the time I wish I didn't get defensive cause when I'm in an argument, I'll back chat and my words turn so hurtful. Sometimes I wish I just couldn't talk altogether but when I don't talk people get angry at me and I feel terrible. At some point in my life when I was 13 I got into an argument with my father, I don't even know what it was about but he had just got back home from working away for three weeks. I had said something to my mother and she went to get my father cause he always seems to fix the problems in the family. So he came into my room and started to talking to me about how I should respect my mother and treat her more kindly. Only the problem was I started to get defensive I said something and we argued. Eventually I was on the brick of tears but forced myself to keep a 'I don't care' expression. Thats when my father said to me 'F*ck you.' My dad never swears but at the moment everything in my just collapsed. He left the room and I sat on my chair for nearly an hour thinking. I cried in the chair, I stayed silent in the chair not thinking, I stayed in the chair overthinking. I wanted to go out and apologise but all I could do was sit in that chair and cry as my fathers words seemed to repeat over and over in my head. And let me just say I can't say sorry or thank you easily so it hurt a lot. Even after so many years after that incident I was never able to apologise instead he apologised and said he shouldn't have said that. The next day I couldn't keep the terrible thoughts that whispered in the back of my head. All the emotions I felt that day was terrible. I didn't want to go to school afraid I might break down and I wanted to go home but at the same time I just wanted to disappear. I know this is very long and I'm sorry but I just wanted to write all this down. Even after writing all this I still can't get rid of all the thoughts and emotions that pain me these days.
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You remind me of my dad a little bit haha. My dad is so defensive and cannot take criticism. I'm not saying you're bad or anything. My dad was never around, after 16 years of not seeing me, he finally came back into my life. I've only ever gotten into one argument with him and he told me to "fuck off" and so I left and went back home. Because he wasnt ever really there my whole life, I cut him off for a whole month, it hurt me that i did but for him to easily tell me to go away, I felt like I meant so little to him. He told me pretty much what you said, that he wanted to run to me and apologise and hug me cause it was in the heat of the moment. Swallow your pride and apologise, you have no idea how good you'll feel right after. Like your dad is in the wrong for swearing at you and he did apologise for it even if it entirely wasn't his fault. You regret it now that you're not apologising but later on you'll regret it even more.
ReplyFirst of all, parents say unnecessary things while arguing quite a lot, even if they don’t mean to. Dont be down.
Second of all, you should explain how you feel when arguing and that you try to get defensive. Just go and tell them. Because it might seem that all you want to do is start an argument. Talk to them, they’re your parents, they’ll understand you. If you want to fix this and not get into serious arguments tell them something like: “Mom/Dad, I don’t always mean to be like this in arguments but I get defensive and i can’t do anything about that. “ if you can’t say sorry, there are other ways to do it. Get them a nice present or something and write “im sorry” on a card or something. Maybe even confess on that card that it’s quite hard for you to say sorry. It might seem to them that you’re not trying without that little explanation. It’ll be fine, im sure it will. Just tell them how you feel.
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