Mr spy, this is for you.

Being in love with a spy. it was not a choice. just head first. Didn't know who he was what he was. Just a stranger. i am 18. in high school in India. he works for the Cabinet ,a graduate from iit bombay.

Does any of that matter? no. But the distance is killing. yesterday for security concerns we called it quits. someone else called him from my number. yeah. anything goes on in the business. He's on work. Went off to Miami. The love , everything incredible. But the pain is double the love. I love him to the moon and back. I have no choice. It's too scary for him. He has already lost a someone. and tbh, i lose my sanity for him. i love him. and i hope i cry no more and the pain goes. will wait.

love. The amount of love i have shelved out of me, all the endless number of ifs and buts that i have let go. His love was everything. I was not dating anyone since so many months. and i dont text people. but ..like i said, it's a little too crazy. He's not gonna contact. he won't. but he knows i will continue to be committed and honest.

Neither of us cheated. No we aren't bored. It's the out of love letting go. How am i supposed to love him and not love him at the same time?

I don't know much of his life. I am not allowed to. The long pauses in phone calls as to what to talk when he won't tell me anything, it drained me. Not that we didnt have things to talk. no. that i didnt know a huge huge part of him.

He loves me. Oh lord he does. I swear by it. But somethings..just don't have a proper fullstop. If i were closer to him, things would have been easier, apparently. But..i am brave. i am safe. It's cool.

Bye.