Should i be happy

All my life... I have been stressing out the same time as i start how to speak, my life... I dedicated my life, i sell my life to academic, my parent are crwzy about culture and oeep scolding me everyday, they blame all their fault to me, shame me in front of their friend for mistake that i never made, i have been used... Like a tool, like a pion, i dont even know who i am

Today, i attend funeral, my mind keep running around things that i never would imagine, first... I imagine my funeral, then my best friend,i want to cry, and the stress that i had locked up keep appearing on the surface of my poker face, i feel so bad, i just want to cry, all my life, i never truly happy, i always supresse my feeling, always lying to myself, lying to everyone, i regret every single thing that i do in the past, but i cant change the past, my parent, my family, they say it was a home, but it just hell, i never had friend who understand me, and when they understand, they just shrug me off, i feel terribl inside, and noone ever think i'm dying

So... Should i be happy? Should i abandon everything... My life... My dream... My family... And just...become... Happy...like the children does, like my friend does, not stressing my own future and just keep moving forward? I just wanna cry... Maybe this is just some day that i open up my feeling...maybe that's all...