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[ l o n g p o s t , d o n ' t r e a d ] a soul questioning itself about stupid young love, really. π₯
4 years ago · 3 · Love, +4
688
i can remember my crush vividly.
same height as me, blue glasses, smart as heck and popular. there were so many girls who had him as their ideal type and would drool when he breathed in their direction. looking back, it was pretty stupid. i wasn't one of them, however, i did find him very attractive. he was like a person that could never be erased from my memory from the very first glance.
funnily enough, this all happened in primary school. and then i never saw him much again.
i can still remember when i was 9, and i had to transfer schools as i took a test and made it into a better school. i remember (in the beginning, long before we took the test) his mother telling mine about how he wouldn't take the test, and that he didn't consider it.
later, they said that they were going to try, and i knew he was going to make it in anyways. he was the smartest person in the school at that time and i thought that he'd probably stay.
spoiler alert: i was wrong.
afterwards, his parents told mine that he was definitely going to take the test but they weren't going to let him move schools. at the time i thought it was the last time i'd see him, and i thought my heart would stop being weird around him. so i decided to try my best to get in the school to get away from him. after all, there were so many girls who drooled over him, i didn't want to seem like them.
when we got our results, i asked him about his score. and then i went "so are you gonna stay here or move schools?"
he didn't say anything, but rather moved on by asking another classmate about his score.
2 days after, his parents told us that he wanted to move because of someone. and no, this is not because of me, it ain't that romantic. it's just because there was this guy that we all hated and he probably wanted to get away from him. although now i think about it, it could've been me, but it most likely wasn't.
so we entered the new school, and my life went downhill while his flourished. there were more girls that drooled over him, however, there were quite a few who didn't like him very much. my heart still beats for him, even till this day (i think i'll get over him soon though).
he was making friends left right and centre while my lonely self was literally running out of decent people to make friends with. everyone was either really fake or minded to themselves, which made it really hard for me to socialise. a lot of girls also hated me for some reason, which i still don't know to this day.
he would always walk home with this girl (labelled A). A was VERY popular and hated me, and she was friends with most of the class, which made it very easy for her to impose her opinions of me on the rest of the people. A would literally openly flirt, although not just with him, but with the rest of the guys in my class as well.
thinking back now, there was this really nice guy in my class. i did like him as a friend, although right now he is one of the people that i miss very much.
~ the below events happened when i was 11 ~
even if our seating plans changed, he'd still be on our table. he was like the matchmaker for our class; he always knew who liked who (although i never told anyone about my interest, which was a plus, because then he couldn't expose me), and he would occasionally tell me a piece of news. i'd always tell him that there was someone who liked him (there was, it wasn't me but a girl who sat next to me in the beginning of the year) and he'd always suspect it was me. i'd always respond with, "nah, not you, i'd rather die alone."
i was pretty sure that my crush hated me in that year. we had a religion class (it wasn't mandatory but it depended on your religion and if you didn't have a religion you'd be reading silently, which i hate) and it started from the year before. coincidentally, my crush, the nice guy and i were all in the same one and we'd always compete to see who could get to the classroom first. we'd literally run to get our things before lunch ended just to get to the class first. i would usually be there before the kids in that class even left (to make room for us when we attended the class). i'd make my way inside, and this was especially beneficial in summer because the only classrooms that had air conditioning were either in that area or the ones for the younger kids. i'd be peacefully sitting inside while everyone else was dying in the heat (i'm not evil i swear it's just fun to see them annoyed at me for beating them, consider it a way to feel satisfied). i remember one particular day, it was terribly hot and i made it to the classroom way before the others. i sat in the classroom chilling and then after a few minutes i spotted 3 heads looking very annoyed at me through the window (my crush, his friend who i call llama guy cuz he cried over a llama eraser and the nice guy). turning around, i minded my own business and sat comfortably in the classroom until a teacher unlocked the door to let them in. the nice guy goes "how are you so early?" and i just shrug and respond with an idk. my crush ignores my existence and the llama guy says "i hate you for being so early". then the religion teacher comes in and goes "no hating in this class please", and the rest of the students filed in. i had to stifle a giggle and the day ended after the class.
once again i saw A and my crush walking together, and since i usually finish packing up first i'm always walking ahead of them. however, i was walking right next to them and i decided to run forward to "give them some space". A asked me why i'm walking ahead and i just went "to give you two some space, have fun lovebirds." A then blushed while my crush looked at me with the weirdest face and goes "wtf why are we lovebirds now, it's not like she likes me anyway." i ran ahead and went home.
my crush didn't go to school on the last day, so here's what happened on the day before that.
A wasn't at school, so i was happily walking home. there's a pedestrian light in front of the gate which we both had to cross, so i stood next to the button (not sure if anyone has one in their country but like you press it to make the light green). i saw my crush walking out of the gate and he was walking to the other side. however, as i turned back a few seconds later, he was literally right next to me. he laughed and i literally leapt to the other side saying, "wtf dude get away from me". he just chuckles and them the light turned green and we both went home.
the year after, i saw him again. i was staying at a hotel in the city for my birthday and i took the early train to school. i told my mother that she didn't have to walk me to school from the station (i'd moved into secondary school by this time) but she insisted. as we walked down to the concourse i saw him walking up, and my mum asks me "hey isn't that _______?" i felt really scared for some reason so i lied and said that i didn't see. i've never seen him ever since, although now i do see a girl from my first primary school who liked my crush (coincidence? i think not).
i saw the nice guy at McDonald's once in the year after that. i was waiting for my drink and then i heard him say "long time no see." (he actually scared me and i was actually about to hit him π)
i thought he was in line to buy something too but he literally left after saying hi like jskuysfwkxvdco wtf at least get a small fries-
aNyWayS
if you read all of this, i have a question. did anyone like me too? or am i just making a big deal out of some small acts of kindness?
~ πππ ~
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....why are you still looking back?
ReplyYeah I have the same question too
ReplyNot sure really. I mean isnβt it better to just move on and forget? It hurts less that way, donβt get too caught up in your emotions and just forget about him. True love may not necessarily exist but trust me, a stupid crush isnβt smth to fuss about. Good luck :D
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