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I don’t want the new academic year to start. I have been in university for almost 6 years (yes, that is quite a long time). If I had a higher intellectual capacity, then it most likely wouldn’t have taken me this long to graduate. I know, it’s embarrassing to admit that, but that’s the reality-based world I’ve had to live in. Over the years, I’ve met so many people that have cheated their way through the system. But this isn’t exactly an easy route. I’m incredibly socially awkward and always try to avoid people (this also doesn’t help my situation at all, since it makes it harder for me to muster up the courage to approach people or ask certain questions). My life is hell and every day during each academic year is a chore. Summer is the only temporary period in the year when I can finally relax and remove all of this worry that constantly weighs me down (because of the sheer length of this holiday). But now it’s over, and I have to live this nightmare yet again. I seriously don’t want all of these years to go to waste. I’m not doing great and if suicide wasn’t viewed as a religious taboo then I most likely would’ve embraced it. In regards to my studies, I mostly blame a lot of my harsh professors for my academic failures. They were blatantly inconsiderate and terrible when it comes to treating unaccomplished students. Their lack of understanding and empathy is very obvious even though I try my hardest all the time. They would almost always use the same repetitive rebuttals and snarky comebacks, such as “oh you didn’t study hard enough” or “you just didn’t put in as much effort”... how do they even know that?! Were they sitting beside me when I was studying all night long or when I spent hours upon hours looking for good tutors to study with?! I’m sick of being in this position. I’ve spent years and years complaining and whining but none of this is going to help. There really isn’t any viable solutions to my academic problems. They are the core of my misery. They really are. Everything else is pretty normal. I sadly wasn’t blessed with the gift of intelligence like so many other people were. I feel terrible. I hope my luck would change someday (if that day EVER comes). And to some of my friends who graduated and also accused me of not doing my best in the past few years: you guys think you’re all that and the world should just conform to your opinion. Well, one day when you come out of your conceited haze you will see that life is not the same for everyone, and if you haven’t walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, what do you know...?
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i feel ya... life isnt fair. even if you don’t want the academic year to start, it will eventually start regardless. theres no point in trying to prolong the inevitable. do your best and hope for the best outcome. if youre studying a difficult field, it wont be easy.
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