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As I sit here writing this I have come to the realization that I need to get out whatever I need to get out in order for me to start feeling better. I am now 3 months out of the longest and most loving relationship I have ever been in. This is subjective in my situation because I am only 23 I hear the same phrase over and over "you're young you will find someone else like her or even better". While I want to believe this with every ounce of my being I just can't. If I wanted someone like her I would just want her which is the situation I find myself running into more and more. Some backstory I will leave specifics out for obvious reasons. I moved from southern U.S.A. to the northern states. In this time I was online just browsing dating sites and trying to find connections in a new place. I ran across a woman who just absolutely blew my mind with how unbelievably beautiful she was. We will just call her "K". I and K started messaging daily getting to know each other. She was a few towns over so meeting for the first time would happen after we both knew what the other's intentions were. A few months passed of casual conversation and up-all-night calls. Things were looking good for us to finally meet. We decided on a local restaurant chain to go to for our first "date". Her friend came with her and I completely understood you can't really be too careful with online dating these days. We clicked almost instantly. A second and third date came to another little place in a town closer to her. Another month or so goes by and we are at a movie theater right after Christmas time. We see a movie that we both don't really like so we decide to leave. As we are driving back to my parent's house (I lived with them at the time as we all moved up north together) I asked her if we could make this official. She agreed and I was just full of happiness and excitement of what was to come. The new relationship was nothing short of a dream. Great times, great memories, great intimate moments. However, this was cut short. This was completely my fault and the reason it was cut short was that I was not trustworthy. One night I had every intention of being unfaithful with one of my best friends at the time. I can be completely honest here that I was not unfaithful, but just the fact that I had the idea and intention too was enough for her and rightly so. We split things off at that stage and both went our separate ways. Going forward almost a full year and a half. We reconnected and she was in a mentally abusive relationship. I was there for her as much as it hurt me and as much as I wanted to help I could only do so much. Time went by and she became single and our friendship was coming back to what it was before. We met up and went to a lake/nature trail in my town. In a spur of the moment attempt at rekindling the old flame. I pulled her in for a kiss. She returned it and from there we just walked the trail holding hands and smiling. I felt complete again like everything was going to be ok and life was full of opportunity. A few weeks go by and we agree to give it a second shot with a few stipulations. If at any point in the relationship trust issues arose she would be gone. If at any point she caught me in a lie that was more than something small and menial she would be gone. I agreed and so it was again back to the best time of my life. I was living with my uncle at the time and a few months into us being back together me and my uncle had a falling out. I still remember this like it was just yesterday. We had only been together for 3 months at the time. I moved in everything I owned which at that time was just some clothes and my computer. That first night we shared the same bed together in a home we both lived in was the definition of being at peace. Every day waking up to her beautiful face was nothing short of a dream. We were that perfect couple everyone wanted to be. Loving days filled with laughter and smiles. Nights filled with compassionate cuddles and intimate moments. Time went on and the relationship as all do start to become a routine of the same stuff over and over. It was neither mine or her fault this happened we both just got busy with work and life and it caught up to us. We would spend less and less time together and it just got to the point where I only saw her at bedtime. Again this was not for any reason either of us was purposefully doing. However, at this time fights did begin to happen. Small things turned into big arguments. This went on for a few months a cycle of being happy and completely fine then turning into arguments and nights crying. (I am obviously leaving out specific details just because I don't want to start remembering memories at 6 AM when I am writing this and start to cry before work). The last nail in the coffin was after we went on a vacation with her family. Back down south we went and the home we stayed in was absolutely beautiful. 3 stories all wood right off a massive river up in the mountains. Now for this to make sense I need to elaborate a bit. When I turned 21 I had a for lack of a better term massive drinking problem. Like a fifth of whiskey a day problem. During this vacation I had a few drinks with her permission and because she was a type 1 diabetic she did not drink hardly ever. I had a few too many and just got really sad because I noticed a trend whenever we weren't in the home or even if we were she was just straight up ignoring my presence at all. She wouldn't hold my hand or walk with me it was very upsetting. When I brought it up to her she just said I was overthinking too much. Well, we got into an argument right before we all went home and I said some things I regret with every part of me. I ended up riding home with her parents and she stayed another night with her brother and 2 close friends. I spent that night cleaning the room and making sure the only thing she had to do when she got home was relax before work. 2 days went by and she was completely ignoring me at this point. Acting like I didn't exist. Wouldn't kiss me wouldnt hug me. She came into the room I have my computer set up and wanted to talk. She said that she could tell I was not happy and that it might be best if we both move on. This hit me out of absolutely nowhere. I was happy with her more than anything in life. I will admit the routine was getting a bit boring but I would not say I wasn't happy. She said she wasn't happy anymore and that killed me. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy no matter what that meant. So we decided to break it off. I moved out that night and told her to just call me when she was ready to talk again. Its been 94 days and counting. She still hasn't gotten ahold of me. I don't message her out of the pure fact I want her to want to talk to me not just talk to me out of sympathy because of the fact im upset. So that's where I am left now. No real explanation or reason she thought I was unhappy and me just alone living in my parent's basement again just working and coming home to sulk. Any comments are welcomed whether you think I am completely missing something or if you are in this situation as well. I am open to any discussion. Sorry, this was so long. Hope everyone is doing ok.
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Wow you poor soul.
I don’t know what to say. Hugs ((()))) xxx
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