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I'm tired of loneliness. It's decrepit thoughts plaguing the everyday mind. I'm tired of the desire for human contact causing an after effects of loneliness. I'm tired of people saying "you'll find someone, some day. You are a good, kindhearted person." their intentions may be steeped in well wishes and stem from a good place but eventually after hearing it enough times I dare say it almost becomes damaging. Unintended of course but still stings none the less.
Things won't come to you just by sitting there and wishing they will. Without the confidence that depression steals from you it's nigh impossible to achieve that person you want. You can't even bring yourself to ask people out for crying out loud. You always end up with the wrong people because you let those you want walk away in your life because you can't make as much as a squeak of a mouse to say hello.
Depression is a thief of your confidence, your self and your mind. It dances around you hand in hand with loneliness and you can't escape this deadly tango that will eventually take your mind away from you. I'm so very tired of it all. And all I really want... Is that special someone for me. As selfish as that is. They won't be the end all be all, they won't. Ure me of my depression or perhaps 3 en loneliness, but having that having that person beside you letting you hide behind their shield can make all the differencee while you get back up on your feet. I'm well aware that ultimately learning to overcome loneliness yourself is better but it doesn't make it any easier.
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I completely feel. I am sick and tired of being alone. Right now, all my friends are in relationships and I am the only one not. And everyday at school I'm reminded of that. I have a class with 2 of my friends and their boyfriends and it is very hard and painful to sit there and watch them be so happy. I know that is selfish but it is how I feel. I want the best for them but am hurting from their happiness. And I know it seems stupid, like out of all the problems in the world, here I am complaining about being lonely when I'm surrounded by people. But my heart yearns for deep relationships and belonging not surface level friendships. Overcoming loneliness is so so difficult and seems impossible at times. The best thing to do is just remind yourself that your time is coming and people are going to come into your life that are going to fulfill that loneliness. Just take a deep breath and move forward. We will get through this I promise:)
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