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I can't take another disappointment anymore. It is ridiculous how many times I have failed at the same thing over and over again no matter how hard I try.
It is obvious that I can't do the thing that everybody does so effortlessly. And I am familiar with this feeling, the perception of myself, it makes me want to die.
If I can't do something that everyone around me can, then I will not get anywhere in life.
I do my best to not fail, but it doesn't seem to work. Nothing has ever worked for me. Maybe I really am stupid. Maybe I have something in my brain that just won't function correctly. I want it to be over. I am so tired of putting myself together over and over again after the devastating feeling of being not enough. Maybe it's not my fault. Or maybe it is and I have to feel worse than I do right now.
Nothing makes any sense if I can't do it right. Because if I keep failing, then everything is going to be a disaster. If I can't do it right, I will never be able to do what everybody else does.
Right now my mind is a thunderstorm. My heart is crushed and my dreams are fading away. I am afraid of what will happen if I don't get it right. I think I prefer to be dead than to suffer the rest of my life.
-S
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Time is a healer and you are a panicker. Your on about failure? Do you know how many times I failed a friend of mine who would tell me he was suicidal? He even walked me through the fact he was doing it more than one occasion. He knew I couldn’t get to him I didn’t know weather to call 999 from where I was and explain how I knew or pray he wasn’t doing it? I died a little that night and that morning when I found out he had. So
You want to talk failure ? He is suicidal again and nothing I say helps. I should explain we weren’t just friends, we were more than the best of friends we matched like a pair.
But now nothing I say inspires him. Life’s porepective gets him down. I don’t blame Him at all for his depression and I get he’s tired of life. God do I get it. But if anything happened to him does he not realise the knock on affect ? I’d be devastated beyond devastated. That could and would affect my health, which then
Affects the course of 7 people’s lives whjch then affects more.
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