To: the boy I never worked up the courage to confess to

Its been almost 3 years since we graduated high school. I used to have the biggest crush on you. I got giddy every time we made eye contact. Every time you laughed at one of my jokes or smiled at me, I got butterflies. I never managed to become friends with you, but I enjoyed seeing you and talking to you when we both got an internship at the same place. At one point I am almost certain you liked me back, but because I was scared of being laughed at, I never said anything. Also because your friends were kind of dicks. It made me really happy to find out you were taking the Jay Jay the jet plane memes i printed out home and posting them around your house after I started a 12th grade meme war. When prom came around, I wanted nothing more than to ask you, but couldnt work up the courage. When a friend merely offered to ask if you were going with anyone, I had an anxiety attack. You looked really handsome at prom, but I was heartbroken that you went with a female friend (who honestly didnt have the best reputation, not a slutty one per say, but she was adamant she would never sleep with you anyways bc she doesnt see you that way), but completely understanding that I missed my chance and you had no obligation toward me. I had fun at prom at first, but by the end of the night I felt miserable. Weve since graduated, and while I do my own thing, you do cross my mind sometimes. By chance, while i was with a friend I saw you pass by me in the train station as you got off and we got on. What i didnt expect was to feel my heart flutter just like it did back in high school. We didn't speak, but I believe we made eye contact for a second. The regrets rose in my heart yet again. So I guess what i want to say is that I dont know if it was love, but it feels kind of like it, and I regret not talking to you more and mustering up the courage to ask you to prom. It makes me wonder what could have happened. I hope you are having a good life and are in good health. I wish you the best, but I just had to say that I will always regret not telling you.

Addition:

Last night I randomly dreamed about you. We let by chance and got to talking. We hung out and I confessed to you, you also admitting feelings for me. We went on a dorky and cute date with awkward moments, nevertheless it was perfect. I shared my true feelings with you, talked openly with you, laughed at your corny jokes and you laughed at mine. We reminisced about high school, and your love for the Jay Jay the Jet Plane memes I printed out during my meme war. I felt do connected and at peace with you. Then I woke up. I felt more horrible than ever. I hadnt realized it was a dream at first, as it was so vivid. When reality hit, I cried over you; for the first time in 3 years. The last time i cried over you was at prom. Mentally and consciously, ive moved on and let you go. However, in my heart and my subconscious, a part of me misses you, still yearns for you. I realized I'll most likely never be able to forget you and let you go. I really wish I said something to you. Now I am a bit bolder. Ive gotten better as a person since high school, improving my confidence and self worth. If. I could have a redo on that moment and just confessed, I would in a heartbeat.

Unknowingly yours,

-H