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I feel myself slipping back into old habits, I hate going back to that place, I isolate myself, I smoke weed to pass the time, it's not healthy for me mentally and physically. But it's comfortable, and right now Its a time in my life where I've made some changes, I've cut ties with someone I always looked out for and cared for deeply, they stopped caring and it hurt so I had to end our friendship. Since I've ended that friendship i just want to be here, in my room isolated and stress free. But I know I need to push forward and keep doing what I have been before this relapse, I call this a relapse because I've done this isolating thing many times before, I stop talking to friends, I get anxious and I keep myself distant from anyone immediate to me. The people close to me notice straight away but I stopped caring. I stopped caring about the trying to help me when this reoccurs because I've realised its one of my coping mechanisms. It may seem bad from the outside to the people around me but to me it's a sanctuary of peace.. Just to be left alone to relax and breathe, think and conclude everything that's making my mind race or worry about. I do want to speak to my friend again that I've cut off eventually. But until she learns how to treat people, I cant put myself back into that position of being taken as a pushover. I've said this a few times in the past few weeks, I really wish she didn't message me after all these years, things would be easier, but you know, you deal with things as they come along.. So yeah, that's just how I'm feeling and I'm a little afraid I'll revert back to this isolation thing full-time, I enjoy life but at the moment i feel like i need to rework myself. I was fine until she came along and made me doubt myself again. But as its always been, I'll just analise, adapt and overcome this predicament I'm seeing myself in. No problems only solutions. Peace people 👊
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I tend to isolate too when I'm going through something. Just be careful that you're not pulling away from someone who maybe is doing the same thing? Reason I say that is if by chance you guys had a misunderstanding or falling out, she might be reacting in a similar way... by shutting down. I've had this happen with friends before. Where neither of us was talking to each other and when we finally did it was all for nothing and we were totally fine. Just be sure you're not losing a friendship you'll regret losing when you come out of hibernation so to speak.
Again, I don't know your situation but sometimes its good to keep the lines of communication open...just in case. In any case, I hope you start feeling better.
ReplyThanks bird, it's comforting knowing people deal with situations the same way I do, I do feel ill regret not talking to her and keeping our ties close, but also the fact that she doesn't treat me with the respect I deserve or see me as a person of importance is what drove me to making the decision to end my friendship with her from the beginning. So it's a conflict but hopefully it's for the best. I appreciate your comment thanks again bird
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