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So before the end of my senior year of high school I met a guy that went to a local community college. We hit it off really well and we started dating. I soon began to realize that this guy was literally me as a guy and I fell in love with him as naive as that sounds. He was literally like no other person I had been with and he respected me. He would do anything for me and he cared about me so much and he definitely made that known. Anyways skip to summer when I start getting college acceptances and I have to make choices of where I want to start building my life. I made it known to him that I was planning on going away for college and that I didn't want to go to the community college that he was at because I wanted to get a top education. He was upset about it of course but I thought that I was doing the best thing for myself at the time. He was understanding of that so I continued with my college bound plans. Skip ahead a few more months and the time for me to move to my college of choice, which ended up being CalPoly, drew near. At this point he was dreading the day I said goodbye to him. While we still lived in the same state, it was like an eight hour drive to each other so it would make it extremely difficult to see each other. He would cry, and tell me how much its going to hurt when I leave because I'm the only person that loved him like I do. I still left. I went away to school and I didn't feel too bad about it. I felt guilty for having him go through this pain and awful for leaving him the way I did but I still had thought that it was the best thing I could do for myself. We didn't break up though, I was selfish and told him that I didn't want to have to go through life without him. I am currently still with him and am having second thoughts about leaving for school. He really shows me true genuine feelings and he wants to do his best to make me happy. He comes to see me all the time and he talks to me on the phone everyday and as time goes on I get more and more attached to him. I am in love with him, and the way he makes me feel. I want to do everything for him, he puts so much effort into me and I want to return the favor. I have been contemplating moving back to be with him while I get my associates through the local community college I mentioned before. Its a lot cheaper and we would be able to be together and then I can get a guaranteed transfer to a uc or csu. The only problem is my parents are super against it. My whole family is really proud of me getting into CalPoly and they brag about me all the time and they just feel so happy that im here. Leaving feels like im letting all of them down, and I know I would be because they have told me that If i chose to leave then they would be sad and disappointed. When I mention coming back their first response is to convince me that my boyfriend is negatively influencing me and that Im going to end up pregnant and with no job and struggling for life. Which makes me angry because they dont know my boyfriend and they dont know what he does for me. I think about what I should do everyday I'm down here. Whether or not I should stay for the sake of my education, or leave for the sake of being happy with my believed soul mate. Sometimes I come to a conclusion, and i make my mind up finally then someone talks to me and tries to convince me of one thing or another thing then I get confused again of what I want to do or what I need to do. My boyfriend tells me that if I choose to come back to him then he'll feel guilty for having me give up this opportunity for him. But I watched a TedTalk on what true love is, and basically true love was all about sacrifice, and what both people were willing to do in order to make each other happy and successful together. I want to be able to make things work with him. I can see us getting married and having a life together, thats how sure of him I am. I have so much trust and love in this one person that I am willing to give up a lot for him. I just dont know if I should. If it would be considered naive of me. Or just altogether a dumb idea. I need help. I dont have anyone to turn to because all of their opinions are bias. And I dont want people to judge me for thinking about a boy more than myself, because thats not necessarily the case. If anyone could help me give me their opinion on what they would do in my situation that would be much appreciated.
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To me this is a no-brainer... you are in the better school, so you stay put as long as that school is good for you. Either your relationship will last the next semester/year of long-distance, or it won't. If it does, and yet the two of you want to be closer, then maybe you both look into whether he can transfer somewhere that is less than eight hours away that will meet his education+career needs.
I have friends who started dating in high school who are married now in their early 40s with two kids. They went to different colleges, about 4 hours away from each other (but maybe longer because I don't know if either of them had cars back then). If a relationship is meant to last, it'll last. But often relationships do end in college... I think most people who came to my college having boyfriends or girlfriends broke up with them during the first year, whether they were at the same school or different ones... it is just a time when people are growing and changing a lot. Which is part of why so many people give that advice about not giving up so much for a relationship at this time in your life, even though long-term relationships do involve a certain amount of give-and-take and compromise.
Hope this is helpful.
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