Idk why bother

I just realized that asking my parents to go out with me for walks is me trying to help myself out of this depressive mood. And when they deny me it hurts(?). I can't walk on my own because I don't know how yo drive and walking by the road makes me anxious (opposite of helping). I've been apathetic for years without realizing what it was called. My computer, one of the only sources of interest I have, broke and I didn't react. Like at all. It was weird. I'm not upset or disappointed or angry, I don't feel anything. It's the same with my family and college. Nothing. It's frustrating when people say why don't you just talk? It's like when a bodybuilder lifts a 50 pound dumbell and asks why a non athletic person can't do the same so easily. When someone says "why can't you just talk, why can't you just interact with people it's so easy" you start to question yourself. You start to think why cant i talk? What cant i do something so easy, something everyone can't do effortlessly? What is so wrong with me that I can't do something so easy? And you start to blame yourself. "Your weak. You aren't trying hard enough. You're not good enough". And you shut down because suddenly it isn't the anxiety's fault it's yours.