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I don't know if anyone will ever read this. And no one knows who I am so I can say whatever. I was born in the month of January on the 4th. My little brother was born about one year after me, and I had an older sister. We were living a happy life. It seemed wonderful. A dream. Then, about a month after my 5th birthday, it happened. The bad people came. Children Services. Some people might say that I am wrong, and they help children. But for me and my siblings, they took us away from something we didn't want to be away from. It hurt. My mother's stepfather is the one who got us taken away. He was also racist, so since my sister had a different dad than me, and was mixed, he hated her.
Anyway, the three of us went to a foster home. It was terrible. I finally saw that the world isn't all happiness and rainbows. I saw it at 5. My sister at 7, and my brother at 3. THREE. I tried to protect them. I couldn't I failed. Two years later, we were put into another foster home. It seemed to be good there, but we were still scarred from the past one, so trusting them was extremely hard. So it was all good....Until we were officially adopted.
July 30, 2013.
If we had known what would happen after, we would never had agreed to the adoption. I am still living in this household. But only with my sister. I am turning 15 soon. Shortly after, my sister will graduate and leave. You may be wondering what happened to the brother I spoke of. He's gone. They took him away from this family, and put him into another one. I have so many things wrong with me. I had trichotillomania when I was about 10, which has something to do with hair and stress overloads. I pulled all of my hair out. It's back though. I have depression. I show all symptoms of PTSD except for substance abuse. I have ADHD. A little bit after I started menstruating, I had to go to the hospital many times, and ended up discovering I had an ovarian cyst. I still have a tiny one, It just isn't as painful as back then. I cut. For a few years. I still do. I don't eat as much as I should, because I hate my body and think I'm too fat. But people always tell me I should eat more. I hardly go to sleep most of the time, because I have nightmares. But, I couldn't reassure myself and say "It's just a dream," because those things in my nightmares really happened. I hear me and my siblings' screams, and I see the things I try oh so hard to forget. Yes, I have a counselor. I'm the only one out of my siblings who does. I've tried to commit suicide twice. I realized that I should just give. The only way I don't deal with the pills and counseling anymore is if I pretend everything is okay. So that's what I do. I fake smiles, hide the cuts, and fake laughs. I act normal. But on the inside, I know there is no one there, and I cry at night. I slice the blade through my thighs and wrists KNOWING that everything is my fault. Maybe if I hadn't been born, there would have been more room. They would have been happier without me. The world would be.
I mean, who would notice me gone? I mean REALLY??
Sincerely, G.J.M
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Now I know your story, I would notice. You matter and you are beautiful. Don't give up!
ReplyPlease dont give up! Talk to God, he loves you and i promise he will help you! xx
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