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What am I supposed to do? My family was always in a dire position without a green card. And now there is so much going on in my life I barely have any time to myself. I tutor, help out in community service, but all I really want from that is praise. I hate that fact. I hate myself for feeling that. I hate how I always have an alternative to what I want to do.
My thoughts are a mess of contradictions. When I have one opinion, there is a voice in me that suggests the opposite. Its like having a devil and angel without a standing between the two. I can't feel the need to compromise, its either one or the other.
I just hate how I just wrote that.
Like I'm wanting the attention.
But the worse thing about that is how that is true. I want to attention. I'm not special. No matter how much I want myself to be. It just isn't.
I can't do this. I don't want to do this. My family is dear to me. Life has no meaning by itself. I want something to happen. Something special.
I just know that that's never going to happen. I hate myself for seeking attention.
I guess that's how I developed my knack for reading someone. I can easily tell what someone is thinking. That makes me more uncomfortable. Then again, I'm just assuming things.
What am I supposed to do?
Can anyone give any advice?
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The feeling you know how other people think, must suck. I know the feeling of being good at reading people or being good at assuming. I assume I am good at reading how people feel if, I know them quite enough. I learnt it from being much careful of how people feel. I am way good at sympathizing. And it feels sucks. Anyway, you're problem is being attention seeker? Then maybe you are chasing for people's approval as well. Stop that. Maybe spend more time with yourself more and distant for a while. And learn to not depend your happiness to anyone but yourself.
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