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I'm 17 as i'm writing this. And already i cant take it anymore. i cant take this life. ive been pushed around and bullied for as long as i remember. im depressed, for years. ive had suicidal thoughts more than once. and im having them again. i started something i cant finish. i have done things i cant forgive myself for. ive hurt people i didnt want to hurt. and i have said things i shouldnt have.
i have been bullied since i came to this country. the netherlands. 15 years ago. 15 long years. nobody cares about me. everyone hates me. the few friends i have are drifting ever further away. i cant take it.
my dreams are my escape. my escape from reality. a place where im safe. but slowly they have been getting worse. ive been having nightmares, panic attacks. i see people in my dream that i have never seen before. they say i should join them. i want to, but dont know how.
should i leave everything behind, and start afresh. i want a do-over. a redo. i wish i could restart. just like a game.
it feels like the whole world is against me. fighting. laughing. there is no love for me, nowhere. there is no escape. only in pain, lonelyness and misery.
is this strange, that i think this. is it strange i feel this way. that nothing matters anymore, and i should finish my story now.
someone anyone please, i ask you, help me please.
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It's not strange to feel the way your feeling I bet at one point everyone has a little thought about it but know one is brave enough to let it out like you just did which is one of the bravest things someone can do even if it is just anonymously.
Reply1-800-273-8255. (usa)
0900-0113 (netherlands)
You matter so, so much. Please know that. You matter. And if you feel desperate, PLEASE call those numbers. Your life worth more than you know.
ReplyI don't think it's strange at all. I think others have felt this way about their lives, too, but I've never heard someone talk about it like this. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this, and I wish that there was some way that I could help you, but I will say this: when you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage— just don't give up yet. You may not see it now, but there's a light at the end of this darkness you're in. If you can please hold on a bit longer, you may start to see it. I hope things get better and I truly hope that you don't give in yet. There's so much more waiting for you ahead. Please, just wait.
ReplyI want you to know that you matter and we love you. You have been so brave and strong to even share with us how you are feeling right now. I know sometimes it can seem that everything is against us but I know you will get through it. You are amazing and worthy person that the world needs. Please remember you always matter now and forever.
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