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Sometimes the smallest things can have the biggest influence on our lives. In my case, it was nothing more than a tiny number "2" smeared on my university's whiteboard where a "1" should have been.
It was only my second week at university and I could not have been any more motivated. This place seemed to be paradise for me - a place where for once nobody was holding me back, where I had all the possibilities of becoming more than I had even dreamed off, the only thing stopping me from achieving greatness my own personal self. This was a place for intelligence, where science and innovation were valued and a spirit on his path to wisdom would finally be able to roam free.
At school, the learning mind had been bound by a curriculum and limited time, it was impossible to get ahead or to contribute much of your own thoughts if they didn't fit the system. The ministry of education had clearly defined what was correct and what wasn't. Thinking in alternatives was always held in high regard there - unless practiced in a way that didn't properly align with all the systematically defined truth coming from above.
But university wasn't like that, it was a place where I could finally try to wake up and think for myself. Of course I wouldn't be the ultimate smart kid here, the competition was strong, but it never really bothered me to sacrifice a school's collective respect and admiration for the sake of real, scientific feedback and progress.
In an introductory lesson on data analysis, my professor accidentally used a more complicated example than intended, where the function's index showed the factor "2" instead of a much simpler "1". He soon changed that, stating that the simpler version was perfectly fine for all of us, but I had already scribbled down both versions of the function. When I approached the professor after the lesson, showing him the general function using an abstract variable instead of "1"s and "2"s, thus nullifying the problem of his example entirely, the guy who is supposed to teach me an entire scientific subject reacted confusedly and irritatedly.
Well, I can't really blame the guy - I'm sure that giving lectures must be exhausting, especially knowing that no student really enjoys the subject, and I don't doubt that it's unusual to be asked something beyond the obvious. Probably he thought that I was a show-off, eager to impress him - or maybe just a narcissistic little drug addict who accidentally crawled into university from the nearest sewer. People sometimes tend to think that here; apparently my alternative style is not academic enough for them.
Anyway, I didn't bother explaining that I was genuinely curious about whether my thoughts have been correct and wanted nothing but professional feedback on my formula. A quick "correct" or "wrong", no more. Surely my question was equally important than whether "the exam was to be written by hand or on a computer", which is what had bothered the girl who had signed up for having a question before me. Maybe I should add that the exam is more than five months away from now.
I could have handled some initial confusion, but the guy proceeded to look at me as if I was the weirdest thing existing on this planet, even after he had understood what my formula was supposed to do. "I'm not sure, but isn't it supposed to be something else?", he then decided dismissively, telling me a different formula - which didn't align at all with the simple one we learned during the lesson, neither if I inserted the simple "1", nor with the "2". The solution he had just told me was obviously wrong. My professor was lost when he had to think for himself.
By the time I had arranged my arguments and finalized my calculations, my cheeks were burning with embarrassment - I was the weird nerd girl to him now, the wannabe-smart one who would like to arrogantly show off her mental achievements but failed to actually produce something intelligent. I could bear that - if it was justified. But it wasn't. My professor was wrong, and I was certain of that, but there was no way of getting through to him anymore.
And that was the moment I realized that people didn't truly think freely in university either. They're stuck in their routines, in curricula and schemes and normality, and it frightens, angers or irritates them to be brought off their familiar track of thoughts, even here, because that is just who we as a species are. I realized that I would be stuck in the system forever, that I have long stopped coloring the great picture outside the given lines, that there was no escape from order, proper definitions and defined properties.
This experience has changed my life, because it has happened in my second week at university. Glorifying science wouldn't have worked out the long haul. I don't know how to continue yet, to be honest, but nonetheless, I feel like it is soon going to be really important that I lost my faith in the system like that. I'm going to have to find my own path, and I'm glad that I have the ability to pursue it this quickly, without following a fake authority's guidance any longer than necessary.
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2 - Thank you for sharing.
Your mind is most interesting, i have never had the chance to see through the mind's eye of someone who knows their onions with calculations and such, it was most interesting seeing from your view.
1 - Sigh, i am glad this happened to you early enough, someone once told me, whenever you wake up, its your morning, even if you wake up at 50, it is still your morning, so good morning! humans are creatures of habit and patterns, its sad that its easier to just accept generic patterns than individualistic ones, group think is the order of the day.
Anyway, i learned a few things from thing and once again, i am most grateful.
ps; see what i did there? i used two in place of one when listing my points to corroborate with what you said about 2 and 1, but then again i just thought... what if its group think that made me so used to starting a list with the lowest number at the top, nothing stops me from reversing the order haha, see what you have done? i am in self query now too haha, its cool, eye opening and stuff.
Okay, i am done.
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ReplyOld People are more rigid. If they still grow that's an achmovement. If they dont that's understandable.
Because they are rigid, ifthey have learned the proper way to do things, they are repositories of wisdom and counsel. If they learned the wrong way to do things, they are not just wrong but adamant about it.
Use your youth to track the old people who actually knowa thing or two,and learn all you can from them.
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