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I am really starting to think that life would be so much better without me. People look at me like I'm some stain that they can't get rid of. People ignore me. People don't understand how I feel, they think it is a stupid situation. People feel the need to pick at me and call me names. People talk about me behind my back. They say I'll "never be a boy. That's not a real goal. You won't make it."
It's as if my homosexuality isn't allowed. Identifying as male is not allowed.
Everytime I say something people tell me I "talk to much".
"Your sense of humor is annoying."
"No one likes you."
"No one understands you.
"Oh my god. That is so funny.... NOT!"
Some sarcastic shit.
People always get in my business. Like I'm wearing a sign saying, "Get in my business! Ask me about my disorders! I won't bite! :)"
I can't fucking take it anymore.
I just want to leave and dance with the moon.
I want to feel loved.
I want to cuddle with someone.
I want someone to kiss my forehead.
Someone to cry with me.
But I'm not allowed to cry.
I'm not allowed to cuddle.
I'm not allowed to love.
Fuck... I'm crazy aren't I?
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This probably won't help you, but I'm gonna say it anyways. You're perfect however you choose to be. You seem like a really good guy, and I guarantee that other people think that too, even if they don't say it aloud. You're more then worthy of love. By just being alive you brighten up this shitty world, and for that I'm thankful. And I understand a small portion of what you're going through. I'm pan, and I get a surprising amount of hate for that. I can't even imagine that amount of hate you're going through right now just because you choose to be who you were meant to be. I just want you to know that someday you're going to meet someone. And that person is going to love you. All of you. Every weird quirk you have and your laugh and how you talk and how you write and I promise you, they are going to love you so much, and when you finally meet them, it'll feel like you're home. So when that time comes, remember that you are worth that love. You're worthy of it all, simply because you're alive. I'm sorry you have to go through all this right now, but it will get better. I'm also sorry that this is so long, but I hope it made you feel at least a little bit better.
ReplyThank you so much for just spending your time typing this out. I commend you dude. I'm just so lost in this world. Sometimes I feel good just talking to someone for a change that truly could possibly understand. A lot of my friends just think I'm a bubbly little ray of sunshine but they don't see the red around my eyes and my eye bags getting darker everyday. So, again thank you. Maybe we can chat some more.(I don't know.. Don't think I'm weird for asking lol)
ReplyOf course, and same. I haven't slept properly in what feels like a year. And yea we can talk some more. I don't know why but I really like talking to strangers on here, I guess it's just nice seeing that other people understand what you're going through
ReplyI know right? I feel like I can say what I think and actually mean it or even get scared to say it.
ReplyI wish you the best of luck. People need to stop being so judgemental and homophobic/ transphobic etc..
Replyikr!
ReplyI understand how you feel. Im bisexual and my principal is a JA who is a homophobe and is taking away our LGBTQ+ Support Groups.
Reply