Too much of nothing is just as tough.

When you got locked up I had love for you, but I wasn’t in love with you. I kept all the letter and listened to all the words. Said I love you too, without meaning it once as well. But then I started to miss you. Started to wonder if a new chance was on the horizon and I allowed myself to do something I’ve not done for a long time. I allowed myself to feel and I started to daydream again, like maybe we will get married and have another baby and be the success story we used to talk about. That couple that been through hell but still love the fuck out of each other 25 years down the line. But when you came home things were different. No more baby and love you, back to the bredrin and peace. I sat on it for a while, he’s just got out - it’s overwhelming, llow it. But weeks on I knew I had to say something, so I did. Jokily at first, but the more you brushed that off the more my heart actually hurt. Then to see you say you wouldn’t pull out, wow. I’m not even sure what I can say to that. So I asked you a question - do you just wanna be buddies and done? And you tell me no, I’m overlooking all the help you’ve been. Overlooking all the support, that you could do nothing else and tell me you love me all day. That’s not what I want, but maybe I’m selfish for wanting too much. I just want to feel safe, I want to feel like I’m the most important thing you’ve got and that you’d move heaven and earth for me if needs be. You spoke about me holding you down whilst you were locked up, but why am I always left to blow away in the wind?