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Why don't I trust anyone? It's not that I don't want to trust people, I just can't. I don't know why. It's not like I've grown up in a toxic environment. Both my parents are very kind, loving people. I'm adopted (just an FYI). They didn't ever try to hide the fact that I was adopted. They took me down to Guatemala, where I was born, and let me meet my birth mother. It was difficult because of the language barrier. She speaks a mayan language and spanish. I don't. This meant that there was a translator. that made it less personal. I also met my two biological brothers. It was easier to bond with them, as we were all kids. I've never been told anything about my birth father though. I don't know who he was, what he looked like, nothing. It's bothered me for a long time. I know that I should just ask my parents, but it just feels like an awkward subject. I've never been betrayed by a friend. I guess acquaintance would be a better word. I have a very small group of friends. Most of the people I talk to know next to nothing about me. I just can't bring myself to tell anyone personal stuff. I have 2 sisters who aren't blood related to me. I tend to keep my emotions bottled up. they just keep building and building until i blow up. Usually at my adoptive mother. I know it's not fair to her. I just get so frustrated that i release it all at once. it doesn't happen often, but when it does it's not nice. I can't confide in anyone. I used to have a friend who was a girl who I could talk to. she knew how to keep a secret. She was probably the only one I've ever really almost fully trusted. I do believe that I was in love with her. But she moved away and we don't talk. It's driving me crazy. Plus I'm an introvert meaning that i can't just go to a therapist or something. I just store the feelings inside of me. I know it's not healthy. I know that eventually I'll probably snap and end up doing something that I'll regret for the rest of my life. I can't trust anyone. I really want to. I just can't
P.S Sorry that it's so long. I just started typing and couldn't stop
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Hi!! Just think of what a huge step it was for you to share this information on here. It sounds like you have a nice family. As I get older, I realize that trust means a lot. You need to give people a chance to get close enough for you to discern their true intent. Map out your friend circles and decide the ones that you will allow closest to you. Make sure that you can talk to these people and that they truly have your best interest in mind. Don't let your fear overtake you and keep you from building wonderful, lasting relationships.
ReplyThat's great to hear you speak - you are less "introvert " than you were perhaps.
You talk about "bottling up", and introversion - which seem to be a perfect storm of "building up emotions" to bursting point.
It's worrying to hear you cannot go to a therapist..... as you would have little to loose other than money. You surely HAVE to talk to someone...…...and at least a therapist is qualified to help...I mean at some stage you MUST talk to someone OR remain isolated for the rest of your life - and as you say at some point "burst" and do something you'll regret ..
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