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I’m in a strange situation and I don’t know how I feel. My mom shacked up with a man when I was 13 and they got married when I was 16. For all intents and purposes this man helped raise me. I have always referred to him as my stepdad and I his kids as my siblings. I’m now 30 so he’s been in my life for more than half of it, and has been a pillar of support throughout most of it. Nine years ago, he cheated on my mom and it rocked her to the core. I was devastated and hated him for a while, but put my own feelings aside and integrated back into “family” mode when my mom decided that she was willing to work through it with him. Things have not been great between them since then, but the family aspects slowly mended over time. They are now FINALLY working through their issues nine years after the fact and it’s causing significant strain on not only their lives, but mine as well. Honestly at the end of the day I just want my mom to be happy, but with each passing day it seems that a divorce is imminent, and if that happens, I selfishly don’t know where I stand. I don’t know how I feel about any of this. On one hand I honestly believe that my mom would be much happier after a divorce, but on the other hand I don’t want to see my “family” broken up. I think that my stepdad would probably slowly transition out of my life during any divorce proceedings for fear that I would be a “mole”, and if enough time passes, I think a large enough wedge could be created that he would step completely out of my life. I feel like at 30 I shouldn’t care as much as I do about that, but I do. I’m fairly certain that his kids and I wouldn’t see each other anymore as we all live around the US and only get together for family holidays every few years. It feels like my family is falling apart, and I feel like a 6 year old standing in the middle confused about everything that’s going on around me, which is possibly the most unsettling piece of the puzzle. I feel like at 30 I should be emotionally mature enough to cope with this, but since there are no blood ties, I don’t know where I stand.
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