Finally okay

I'm listening to a band you recommended. Of course I am. I'll do anything to feel closer. Thank you so much for letting me know how you feel. Thank you SO MUCH for asking me to homecoming! I don't think you have any idea, how could you because I've never said. But do you know, how grateful I am? I have a CANDLE. It seems absurd. But a candle? I adore it. I ADORE it. I'm trying to express myself. I'll try and find the words. Because I am so grateful.

So I feel content. Which is weird. I'm sitting in this study hall/online course, in school. The place I feel least comfortable. The place I have dreaded coming back to every day. This place prompted me to actually take this online course, just to get a break from people. And. I'm smiling? I don't have a pit in my stomach. My throat is not burning. Actually. Actually, I'm not even feeling down. In fact. In fact, I feel on top of the world. How? I've been feeling this way for almost three months. THREE MONTHS. I'm just amazed. I'm just blown away. Each and every day I feel this way I'm so overwhelmed. Is this how people feel every day? Is this really normal? It seems too good to be true. I don't understand how this is possible. I may start to drift back, I look terrible, I'm an outcast, why am I even here? I may drift back. Because of course being happy is not possible. And THEN. I see you, am reminded of you, or listen to a band you recommended. And maybe this isn't so impossible after all. Because with someone like you, interested in someone like me, maybe impossible isn't too out of reach?