I feel like I'm stuck

I just found out that my papa (grandfather) is dying. He has stage four cancer and it's terminal. We don't know how long he has. He was a big part of my childhood. His home was my safe place. His home is the closest that I feel to my grandma who passed away when I was 5. I go there and I feel as if she is there with me. When he dies, I'm sure that they'll sell the house. She also passed away with cancer. This is just the newest bad news that has been added to my life. After my cat died, which I can't get over his death, I knew that there was something bigger coming. I thought my parents were going to get a divorce and not the loss of a family member. I keep contemplating suicide. Telling myself that it would then all go away. I just don't see an end in sight. December was supposed to be my month of relaxation and stress-free. I no longer get that. I just don't know what to do anymore.