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The first time I ever willingly kissed someone. I was young, and had a screwed up childhood, where I was brainwashed by mom that lesbian relationships were right and straight was wrong. Basically homophobic but in reverse.
And my dad was the exact opposite. He was homophobic: a biggot.
I wish I could leave it at that. I wish I could just write about abuse, because that's about someone else doing wrong. But I can't. Not honestly.
Before I was even raped by my mom I had lost my virginity willingly. It was to a girl named Illiana. There was no penetration, or stimulation to the G-spot whatsoever, but we did thouch each other and get each other off. I hate even thinking about it because it's disgusting and tainting and it's as much my fault as it is hers; we were both like 9. But we knew what we were doing, we knew not to tell, we knew to keep quiet, and we knew we were wrong.
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You were 9, what did you know? I'm really sorry about what she did to you (your mother) I want to tell you that it's ok when it came to that girl. You were a child. I repeat, a CHILD. Children and adults make mistakes and experiences. You really shouldn't hold what you did against yourself, it's harmful to your mental wellbeing and it's something that you had no control over at the time. I don't judge you for it, and I'm a complete stranger. You shouldn't either, you sound like you know your sexual identity now (sorry if I got a little to blunt) I hope this helps and i wish for you to heal from the trauma that you face.
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