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Ok so my girlfriend and I have been together for just over a month. Today we were siting together and i couldn't help but notice some cuts on her arm. They looked maybe 2 weeks old maybe 3 idk. i have experience with self harm in my past and i know how it is... i asked her if she was ok and she said she is fine and she quickly covered up the scars.
I didnt want to push too hard so i wrote her a letter basically saying that i know it's not really my place to interfere, but i noticed this and she could talk to me if she wants to and it hurts me too to see her like this. I gave it to her and idk if she read it yet but we were walking out of school together and she said she didnt have time to read it yet and she asked if it was about that. I said well yea im kind of worried about u and she said the cuts were from a few months ago and it was just something her mom said that provoked her to do it. I accepted this answer but i know its not true-- first of all they were definitley not from a few months ago, second of all they were not there a month ago. i would remember if they were.
to be honest i never thought she was going through this. she always seems so happy etc and i just want to help her get through this and i wish i could do something. I dont want to make her open up if she doesnt want to but at the same time i cant bear to see her in this state; she means the world to me...
and i am ABSOLUTLEY NOT going to tell a school official. Someone did that with me once and it ruined my life. So please dont tell me to do that.
But im just really worried about her...
pls help ;-;
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People cut because they have so much emotional pain that the physical pain helps to lessen the emotional pain.
That is what happens when even when you shared your pain it was dismissed, belittled, and not taken as real.
That happens when people tell you to suck it up your life or your pain doesn't mean anything and you are supposed to be fine when you are not.
That's what happens when someone tells you to ignore your feelings or tries to tell you how you should feel or what you need or who you are.
That's what happens when you what you say or feel is used against you or to hurt you.
When you do use your voice and it isn't listened to.
When you have anger at the world for how incredibly cruel it can be but you are supposed to ignore it.
If you really care about someone you want them to express whatever they need to even if it is unpleasant and you should never use it against them.
You haven't been in their shoes and maybe you don't know all they have been through.
You don't always know the full story or events that led a person to where they are or have been. Certain things that played a part that you may not know.
If you know something that has or could help someone speak up because you could save a life.
Replyi know you're seriously worried about her right now, but if you don't want to tell anyone, then you should talk to her, slowly. ease into the conversation with no judgement but caring, loving arms. make her trust and feel safe to open up to you. never ever stress it, she will just distance herself from you even more.
if she does open up to you, help her in any way you can. in a way she's comfortable in. in doing so, try to slowly advise her to see a professional. as you're not trained to handle these things without care, you could seriously hurt her and if no help is being given, she could seriously hurt herself. if she's being uncooperative, don't get mad, these things are hard to talk about and i know you know that too. therapy is scary, but it's a good option, and it listens and helps you no matter the problem.
you should always be patient with her and not give up on her. if you love her, you won't get tired of her. i'm definitely not a professional and i'm not someone who has gone through this before but this is what i think should be done. good luck and please take care of yourself, too.
ReplyThank u... I will try this :3
Replyyour welcome, and good luck! <3
ReplyIf you put everything you meant to say in that letter, just get her to read it, alone. Being alone with the letter won’t allow her to: walk away, cover her scars, cut the conversation or change the topic. Be there for her, show her you only want to support her and nourish her into love. Be there for each other through thick and thin. That’s what partners and individuals that feel sheer love for each other do.
I hope this helps you and her.
ReplyBe as supportive as you can. You did the right thing talking to her. Make sure that you reassure her. Tell her shes beautiful and you care for her. Let her know that she can tall to you. Ask her to come to you first when things get bad. Tell her you would rather listen to her be upset for hours than to see her hurting herself. Let her know it doesnt change your feelings for her and she doesnt have to hide her scars. Also tell her you accept all od her even the cuts. I know its hard to see. My girlfriend used to be a cutter but she hasnt in a long time because i make her calm down and talk to me. Sometimes just holding her is a big help. Dont give up. It may take time but you will get through to her.
ReplyGreat to see that you are so much caring lover! Now a days it is almost hard to find someone like you...I appreciate your efforts.....Now lets come to the point.
First of all talk to her and give her time as much as you can but don't push her harder to get the truth....try to understand her pain and sufferings.....Never judge her....make her understand that she is worthy and you need her....I'm sure it will help her....Best of luck 👍👍
ReplyBe the kindest best boyfriend you can be. Just be there for her.
Reply