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I make him happy and he makes happy, but no matter how much I try I can't pull my emotions back to happy for him. I cry and I shake and I bleed and I shout. I do all this alone, but when he shows up, he's so sweet and he really tries, but I can't be happy for him. I wish that I could slap a smile on my face like I used to, but I get tired of faking it. I get tired of my emotions being dismissed for other people, but when I can't be happy, I drag others down. I think things would be better if I could just be normal, if I could be like them, like him. Though, that upsets me more. Thoughts of being normal have become as abstract as the idea of death. The idea of a day past today is a concept my brain can no longer comprehend, and yet for him I wished I could just say it could. I hate upsetting him with the way things just are. I don't want to push him away, but I don't want to hurt him..
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