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I’m gay. I’m 15 almost 16. I’m a girl. I want to come out so bad but I don’t know how or when or what will happen. I don’t want everyone to hate me or to think I’m crazy or idk. I came out to someone last year and it went pretty poorly so I’m scared to do it again. I’m scared for my parents to find out because my mom already hates me and it’ll just make it worse. Keeping this secret is killing me though and I just want it to be out there. I have told my aunt and my three closest friends and those are the only people who know. Everyone else at school doesn’t know and if they find out I’m scared of what they’ll think. Why is it so hard to just be open about who I love. I am so tired of hiding the fact that I don’t like boys and it just shouldn’t be this big secret. Why are there people who think it’s their business and their right to criticize me for just trying to be happy. I feel like every time I start to feel anything resembling happiness somebody does something to tear it away from me. My heart always feels so heavy and cold (metaphorically speaking) and I just want to be happy. I’m only 15 I just want to be a kid. I never got to be a kid and I was forced to grow up to fast and i just want to relax and enjoy being a freaking child. I feel like other teens all are so ready to grow up but the truth is I’ve been grown up since I was 7 and taking care of my family since then and all I want is to have a normal childhood. Is that too much to ask? Some days I wake up and I just hate myself so much and I think to myself I don’t even deserve to wake up why am I even here but yet I mean here I am so I have to make the best of it but I just want to have a moment of happiness without it being ripped away from me by my mother.
(Sorry this was so all over the Place i was just kind of writing as the words came so it doesn’t really flow very well.)
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ReplyI understand where you're coming from. I was your age about five years ago going through the same situation. It's so exciting to finally realize how you feel, to know in your heart that this is what you want and these are your preferences, and it hurts even more so to realize and fear sharing this beautiful, amazing aspect of who you are with your family.
I'll give it to you straight : you need to do what is best for you. Will letting your family know damage your self-esteem? Will they say things that you know are going to hurt? Is this fact worth it? It all comes down to your health- will the things they say hurt you in a way that you can fix? If you truly believe that letting them know is going to make things batter, that they're going to welcome your identity with open, loving arms, I'd most certainly say "go for it!"
But if this isn't the case, be careful.
As someone who still suffers from the trauma that my family put me through for coming out, I say, please, please be careful. It isn't fair that our own parents, the people who are supposed to love us unconditionally could be so cold, cruel and unloving. Do what is best for you, but stay true to yourself. You don't have to change for them. This part of you is amazing, special and beautiful and you sure as hell deserve someone who can love you the same way you love. Sometimes we must wait and be patient. There will come a time when you will know when you can tell them. I hope that that day comes soon. Even if it doesn't, it doesn't matter. You are still you, you are still beautiful and powerful for who you are. Don't let anyone take that.
-Nymyané
Replyhey... u know when I was 5 I think I know i only get attracted and scared of girl... I go tougher when I'm being confronted or teased by boys... but when it comes to girls.. they were always my weakness... when I was a kid . I only know 4 genders.. boy, girl, gay and lesbian.. when I was in college things got a little weirder when I noticed 2 pretty girls hanging out.. whom I thought very cute and pretty... maybe they were cousins or best friends.. them someone told me... that stop staring at them becoz they are a couple... WHAT THE FUCK..???? REALLY..???? I never thought some girls who look, talk and dressed up like a "girl" turned out to be a kinda guy..??? what does that even mean..? I mean I know Im a leasbian.. ever since I was a baby I think.. but I dont look, walk or talk like a girl.. and Im no trans either .. but these... girls... do you look like them too..?
ReplyI'm in a questioning phase towards my sexuality and I'm really scared to talk to my mom about it even though she supports LGBTQ+
I just don't connect with her that much, so it's my fault
Replydon't be scared. let the world know who you really are . I'm a straight girl but I like shipping gays and when I started shipping I've learned that gender are all the same even if you're part of the lgbtq+ every gender deserved to be loved and accept . you should give your mother some times so she can fully accept your gender identity . :)
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